Even More Anecdotes Not Taken | HumorOutcasts

Even More Anecdotes Not Taken

May 25, 2017
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This is my third post composed of anecdotes I submitted to Reader’s Digest that were not accepted for publication. Five new ones:

Unclear on the Concept

When I lived in Mississippi, the local news coverage of a government agency’s loss of funds included an interview with a man on the street, who said, “They lost thousands of dollars and don’t know where it is. I don’t lose a dollar that I don’t know where it is.”

Is That a Recommendation?

Asked to write a recommendation letter for an intelligent but remarkably lazy student, one college professor struggled until he hit upon this honest assessment: “You’ll be so lucky if you get her to work for you.”

Fightin’ Words

On visits to my mother I typically could get through only one or two days before some seemingly inevitable friction occurred. Before one visit I vowed to my wife, “No conflict for the whole visit this time!” Though I always arrived after a five-hour drive at about 3:00 p.m. and though I’d already told her to expect me at the usual time, I decided to call before leaving just to say I was right on schedule. I thought, “This extra courtesy will get the visit off on the right foot.”

When I told her, she said,”What?! You haven’t left yet? I thought you’d be here by now.”

Grade-School Gourmand

When my well-traveled seven-year-old stepson ordered bison in a Santa Fe restaurant, I smiled in amusement and waited expectantly to see his reaction. What would he think of this exotic new dish? After his first bite, I asked, “How’s your bison?”

He said, “I’ve had better.”

Good Question!

After presenting a science museum lecture on dinosaurs, my adult stepson asked his audience of children if there were any questions. One little boy raised his hand. His question?

“I have a trampoline.”

 

For previously posted anecdotes: http://humoroutcasts.com/2015/the-anecdotes-not-taken/

Bill Spencer

Bill Spencer's humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.

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12 Responses to Even More Anecdotes Not Taken

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    May 27, 2017 at 4:53 am

    I never thought I would be teaching you anything but trampolines used to be called “jumpolines” until Thirsty Dave’s mom jumped on one.

    • Bill Spencer
      May 27, 2017 at 7:07 am

      There are a lot of people over here who’d like to mercilessly jump up and down on a Trumpoline.

  2. May 25, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    What is this world coming to? Perhaps if you could work in an old lady smiling at her grandson.

    • Bill Spencer
      May 25, 2017 at 10:41 pm

      As some joker said, “No [humorist] in history—and I say this with great surety—has been treated worse or more unfairly.”

  3. May 25, 2017 at 6:23 pm

    I used to design ads for a local newspaper. One of my designs included a bison, with the caption, “Wanna bison thing?” I got some great responses. I should have turned it into Reader’s Digest where it probably would have been rejected along with all my other entries. I understand your pain! Now jump on your trampoline with your pet dinosaur. It will make you feel better.

    • Bill Spencer
      May 25, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      Did your bison-ad customers pay with buffalo bills?

  4. May 25, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    How did they not take these! By the way, do we have the same mother?

    • Bill Spencer
      May 25, 2017 at 3:00 pm

      Who needs Reader’s Digest when we have HumorOutcasts.com?

  5. May 25, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    “I have a trampoline” is my favorite. In fact I totally plan to steal that ending for my next essay.

    • Bill Spencer
      May 25, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      Congratulations on your new humor book “Just Another Day at Your Local Public Library.”

  6. May 25, 2017 at 10:41 am

    Perhaps the editor doesn’t know how to digest an anecdote? These are great…as usual, Bill Spencer, you make my day!

    • Bill Spencer
      May 25, 2017 at 11:17 am

      Cathy, you are the sun—and I feel your warmth way down here in North Carolina.



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