I Just Took A Peek At My Ex-Boyfriend’s Online Dating Profile | HumorOutcasts

I Just Took A Peek At My Ex-Boyfriend’s Online Dating Profile

November 8, 2017
By

The first thing I noticed was that all of the flattering photos he’s posted of himself were taken by me.

In the photos, Mike looks like the man I saw him as — clever and knowing and kind and entirely loveable.

Of course that’s before I found out about all the infidelity.

Not surprisingly, none of the photos I took of him reflect either his duplicity or his philandering. You wouldn’t look at his smiling face and think, “He’s smiling because he’s had a secret girlfriend for over a decade and the poor fool who took this picture has no idea.”

No, a prospective sweetie will see Mike through my eyes, before the wool was lifted from them.

The other thing I noticed was that in his lengthy description of himself, he left out all the bad stuff. Like? “I cheated for years on a woman who loved and trusted me.” Or “I’m clever and attentive and I’m great in bed. But I’m also a world class liar who will break your heart if you fall for me.”

But, reading Mike’s profile, the biggest revelation was that if I didn’t know who this man really was — I’d totally want to date him! The person he presents to the world  — Artistic! Funny! Self-deprecating! Bookish! — is the person I thought he was. And I really loved that guy.

It does seem a little iffy that he’s using photos I took of him to lure in prospective new partners. On the other hand, the photo I’ve posted on my own dating profile is of me holding Mike’s adorable baby grandson.

Is it fair to use a photo that includes a man’s adorable baby grandson to help you find his replacement?

Or is everything fair in love and war and online dating profiles?

What a different world this would be if your ex could edit your online profile! That would make for an interesting dating site, wouldn’t it? MisMatch.Com — where your ex gets to control the face you present to the world!

In addition to the photos of Mike’s vacationing in London or relaxing with a book, his profile would also include at least one photo of his sneaking out of a hotel room after canoodling with his sidechick.

And in addition to his love of poetry and art, the list of his pastimes would be augmented with lying, cheating and smoking too damn much.

Also, really loud snoring.

If Mike does find a new sweetie partly because of the appealing photos I took of him, should I feel complicit in luring her into a relationship with an untrustworthy man?

But what about the fact that I discovered his cheating, tossed him out, then promptly posted a photo on Jdate of me holding his grandson to help me find his replacement?

How kosher is that?

Who can say? We all deserve happiness and, within reason, we can’t be faulted for doing what we can to get there.

But if Match.com ever comes up with an upgrade that enables your ex to edit your online profile?

I’ll be on it in a heartbeat.

(Roz Warren ] is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor  and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, both of which you should buy immediately.)

 

Roz Warren

Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider’s Tales of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Share this Post:

Tags: , ,

4 Responses to I Just Took A Peek At My Ex-Boyfriend’s Online Dating Profile

  1. John Bartelloni
    November 8, 2017 at 9:03 pm

    “Boyfriend” is a term for adolescents.

    If this guy has a grandson, he is no kid.

    Perhaps he WAS emotionally an adolescent.

    If so, you should be grateful for being rid of him.

    • November 13, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      I am very grateful.

  2. Gail Lockman
    November 8, 2017 at 10:47 am

    “Everything is material.” Nora Ephon’s mother said that or something like that…

    • November 13, 2017 at 2:33 pm

      I think she said “Everything is copy.” And she was so right.



User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
Boomer on the Ledge
By Molly Stevens and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
Heartly God?
By Wil 3. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle






Archives