My search for happiness (on Google)

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

• But for every day you are angry, you can probably get out of making dinner.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

• Misery is when people insist on harmonizing about how happy they are.

“Happiness is a warm puppy.” ― Charles M. Schulz

• Right up until the moment when something else warm comes out of that puppy.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.” ― Helen Keller

• I presume she was speaking figuratively here.

“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” ― Albert Einstein

• And so Einstein put rumors of his affair with Marilyn Monroe to rest.

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ― Confucius

• So true — in addition to the original cereal, you can now buy Life in Cinnamon, Vanilla, and Pumpkin Spice.

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” ― Douglas Adams

• But it’s tough to keep your chin up when the boss insists you’re wrong every single day.

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” ― Andy Rooney

• For those who remember Andy Rooney, he looked like he never climbed a set of stairs — much less a mountain.

“That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.” ― Henry David Thoreau

• Try telling that to my wife when I suggest we go to Arby’s on date night.

“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.” ― William Arthur Ward

• And also helps you tolerate extended metaphors.

“Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.” ― Leo Tolstoy

• Makes you wonder why his best-known novel wasn’t published under the title, “Sex and Booze.”

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.”  ― Deepak Chopra

• Which is why I’m refusing to get up from the couch to unload the dishwasher.

“The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character.”  ― Margaret Chase Smith

• Oh, how the body politic has changed.

“You may find the worst enemy or best friend in yourself.” ― English proverb

• Me is not on speaking terms with Myself, but I and Me get on like gangbusters.

“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” ― Vincent van Gogh

• Not if you don’t spread a drop cloth and spackle the walls first.

“Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chances placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.” ― Thomas Jefferson

• Compare Jefferson’s erudition to this tweet: