My Suggested Additions for Immigration Bans | HumorOutcasts

My Suggested Additions for Immigration Bans

February 1, 2017
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With all the turmoil over the Trump Muslim Ban, I thought it would be nice to offer advice to the great one about other countries that might pose a risk to the US. Come on, what fun is it if we can’t tick off the entire world? I will warn you that some people might find that my immigrant ban nominations support stereotypes, but we are now in an era where political correctness and sensitivity are neither practiced nor encouraged.   So here is my list for new bans and my reasons why they should receive an executive order:

By: joxin

Italy – two words: The Sopranos. Everyone knows behind every Italian is the mob, a machine gun and a guilt-imposing mother dishing out piles of  pasta—the high-carb dish destined to destroy America’s health.

The Netherlands: Windmills, kinky sex, clogs and pot – need we say more?

Ireland – itchy wool sweaters and beer. I know a lot of people think beer is a peace-maker not a peace-taker.  That, by the way, is the view of every Irish person I know in this world, and since my married name is Cavanagh, I know a lot.

All of Asia – I’m not going through individual countries here because there is only one issue that has warranted my immigration ban: driving.  Yep, I said it.  Yell, scream…whatever… but a lot of Asian drivers on our nation’s highways might be construed as a terrorist action.

Canada – too darn nice. How can we live in the utopia known as Trumpworld when there is an entire country next door that doesn’t get the mean factor?

Mexico –Just in case that wall thing doesn’t work out, we have to be ready to pounce. It’s not enough that our avocado supply has been stopped at the border. We need to ban sombreros, tacos and reruns of “The Love Boat” visiting Puerto Vallarta.

Great Britain – We threw them out once. If they come back in, we might never be able to get rid of them. They are sneaky, and this time they have a much better army than the guys in the bright red coats. Another danger with the British: They have great accents that Americans find sexy. This can only spell trouble for our national security.

Australia – You know what Australians will bring? Great white sharks, Koala bears and kangaroos. Sure, they will lull us with the cute and fuzzy animals and just when we are not looking—SNAP 50,000 of us gone at once and living in the belly of a big fish.

Scotland – Only because Trump’s family descended from this country. To be blunt: You owe us.

Russia – It might be too late for Russia. Rumor has it they already have a guy in the white house

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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11 Responses to My Suggested Additions for Immigration Bans

  1. Jourdan Arenson
    February 3, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    Maybe Humor Outcasts can make a couple bucks exporting a line of Trump-inspired sports drinks in three flavors: “Em Apple Mint” “Em Berry’s Mint” and “Impeachment”

  2. February 3, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    I wouldn’t mind being sent to Italy at government expense, as long as a nice villa on Capri or in the Tuscan countryside is part of the deal. 😉

  3. Roger Freed
    February 3, 2017 at 1:38 am

    Very good, very good, very good!
    But thank you for not mentioning Norway or Germany where my ancestry comes from.
    (I know it must have been very hard to hold back from commenting on Germany.)

  4. February 3, 2017 at 12:14 am

    First there were Ray Bans, now there are people bans. 🙂

  5. Bill Spencer
    February 2, 2017 at 7:12 am

    Memo—from Wilbur Ross, pending Commerce Secretary

    Dear Ms. Cavanagh:
    It’s come to our attention that you’re importing humor from Ireland and that, in fact, you’re importing much more humor from Ireland than the U.S.A. is exporting to that country. This trade deficit will not be allowed to stand under the new administration’s “America First” policy.
    Effectively immediately, you must begin assessing a 20% tariff on all humor imported from Bill Y Ledden, a/k/a “The Legend.”
    Failure to comply will result in the construction of a huge firewall.

    • February 2, 2017 at 7:23 am

      Bill Spencer, I hope “The Legend” doesn’t read this! I will have to move my headquarters overseas then! LOL

    • Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
      February 4, 2017 at 6:30 am

      You can inform Wilbur Ross that The Legend will NOT be contributing to the the construction of the huge firewall. Mr. Ross has made millions and millions and hundreds of thousands from his investments in Irish banks so he can pay for it out of his own deep-filled pockets. More and more dudes are going to want to become secretaries because of Wilbur Ross so employment will be the real winner here.

  6. February 1, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    If I had to be sent back to my ancestors’ countries of origins because of whatever ban the trump comes up with next (could be just that I’m a woman, you know), I’ll have to be severed into several pieces in order to get into all those countries.

    • February 1, 2017 at 6:54 pm

      You and my husband! that could get messy Theresa!

  7. February 1, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    um, Donna? I think there’s no one left. Just right, right?



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