Senior Expo Booty | HumorOutcasts

Senior Expo Booty

May 14, 2017
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IMG_1456 (Edited)

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Today I am grateful for Senior Expo booty!  I’m feeling a bit glutted by the hundreds of Mother’s Day posts, so I’m moving on.

 

To expo booty.  See how quick I can put things behind me?  Himself took me out for breakfast this morning to one of my favorite waffle places, then we picked up our free crap from the ACME Monopoly game, which is about as exciting as Klingon Monopoly, but not quite.  What to do with the rest of the day?  Expo booty sorting!

 

I remember when I was the managing director of a regional theater and attending a lot of chamber of commerce events in Bucks County.  Whenever there was shrimp on a buffet table, wealthy people attacked it like feral dogs.  You’d think they hadn’t seen a damned shrimp in 30 years. . .like it was banned. . .or extinct or something.  Like their millions couldn’t buy shrimp anytime they wanted.  In Aruba or on the French Riviera. Geeze!  They’d walk in the room, eyeball the buffet and zero in, piling mounds of crustaceans with warp speed.  Ridiculous.

 

That was me with the free stuff at the expo.  Ridiculous.  I was worse than I am at a Chinese buffet and that’s pretty scary.  It’s like I never saw a little tablet before in my life!  Or a stupid plastic water bottle; or hand sanitizers in every configuration known to man; or pill cases, first aid packages, sewing kits, and pens.  Lots and lots of pens.  I was a lunatic, going back to some tables more than once. I am seriously twisted.  I even had a game plan.

 

“We have to split up,” I said to Himself.  “That way we can get more stuff!”  He agreed, but I don’t think it was to get more stuff.  I think he was disavowing my existence and hoping no one would know that he has spent 34 years with the crazy woman, trick-or-treating for pot holders and skid-free sockettes!  But I got a deck of cards and he didn’t, so there.  And I got two candles and he didn’t even get one.  Blplplplpl!  Take that rookie!

 

I don’t need any of this stuff, but what a haul!  The good news is that three quarters of it is already going to a school prize box.  The bad news is that I have to figure out where to put the other quarter.  Maybe I’ll hold my own expo.  Don’t bother bringing bags.  I have a plethora of bags.  Got one at every table.  What color would you like?  Trick-or-treat!

Mary Mooney

From cranking hair in my Midwestern town of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, to eastern Pennsylvania, to three years writing for large hotels in Jakarta, Indonesia, humor has been my constant.

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One Response to Senior Expo Booty

  1. May 15, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    Well written. I liked . . . SHRIMP COCKTAILS!



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