The Dao of Flying | HumorOutcasts

The Dao of Flying

April 13, 2017
By

 

David Dao (pronounced dow)

United Airlines is teaching their customers to live according to the ancient wisdom of the Dao.

The Dao means “The Way”, in particular, the way out of your airplane seat, off the plane, and to the hospital with a concussion and loose teeth.

The Dao philosophy has many valuable lessons on living life wisely and harmoniously.

One must free oneself from an attachment to desires and things.

A good example is your airline ticket. You paid $500-1,000 for it, showed up 3 hours before the flight, you were groped by a large sweaty man with blue gloves on, put in a Borg scanner, promised a tiny seat, and actually given a seat.

You must let go of all that. It’s not important to a peaceful life, especially when an airline can use violence to separate you from the desire for your seat. The Dao instructs you to not let yourself be beaten up, you moron.

Let’s pretend you are a doctor. You are attached to your patients. No, no. Let it go, doc. They will die sometime anyway.

(Time to breathe deeply and eat some peanuts)

The Dao teaches us there is a limit to what rationality and reasoning can teach us. What a coincidence. This is also found in the United Airlines training manual.

You may want to refer to two ancient Chinese books – The I Ching and the I Paid. The I Paid teaches you that paying for something means dick for actually getting it. You might actually be paying for urgent medical care instead.

(Feel the energy flow from a cop’s fist to your face)

We leave you with an important Dao mantra – “those who know do not speak…they punch.

 PS: For more United Dao wisdom, please refer to the card in front of you.

PFHardie

I am a graphic designer, humour writer, musician and piano teacher. And that's only during the day. At night I fight crime and hang out with my wonderful family.

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One Response to The Dao of Flying

  1. April 17, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Thanks for the first big laugh of the day.



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