Twenty-two signs I am not aging as gracefully as I’d like | HumorOutcasts

Twenty-two signs I am not aging as gracefully as I’d like

May 11, 2017

1. More and more frequently, when I come out from the grocery store I can’t remember where I parked the car.

2. When I use the trimmer to clean out my ear and nose hair, the battery dies before I can finish.

3. The default volume for the television is set to “27.”

4. I still watch television.

5. It sometimes takes me two tries to get up from the couch.

6. After cutting the grass, I have to take a nap.

7. After a second beer, I have to take a nap.

8. I’ve started to drive in the passing lane on the highway in order to keep those behind me at what I consider a reasonable speed.

9. I’m hungry for dinner at 4:30.

10. I submit an irate letter to the editor of my local newspaper about some issue or other at least once a week.

11. I still get a newspaper.

12. I know who the Doobie Brothers are, and have seen them in concert within the last year.

13. Now that Jane Pauley has taken over as host of CBS Sunday Morning, I’m concerned the show is starting to skew too “young.”

14. I can’t distinguish among the various Kardashian sisters.

15. I recall when a tablet was something you took orally, versus something you read a book on.

16. I recently became friends with someone — IRL.

17. Grocery store brands are “good enough.”

18. I remember seeing Susan Sarandon in her film debut.

19. I take ibuprofen before anything even starts hurting.

20. If you offer me a Budweiser — instead of turning up my nose and insisting on a craft brew, I will drink it.

21. I remember when there was no 3-point shot in the NBA.

22. If I can’t get up from the couch after two tries, I just stay put and turn the TV back on.

Images courtesy of Pixabay and

John Branning

John Branning is a humorist whose writings have left literally millions of readers with no idea who he is. But for those who have managed to stumble upon his self-deprecating and hubristically-inclined writing, he’s left them in stitches. And in this context, “in stitches” is considered to be an enjoyable experience versus something painful resulting from a visit to the emergency room.

His newest book, “Keys To The Truculent Me,” is available on Amazon as is his first book, “Selfie-Facing,” which was recognized by The Huffington Post as one of “The Best Self-Published Books of 2016.” You can find more of his posts, where he uses all the vowels and most of the consonants on his keyboard, at

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4 Responses to Twenty-two signs I am not aging as gracefully as I’d like

  1. John Branning
    May 15, 2017 at 10:28 am

    Thanks, Donna! Yes, I spend my days in repose, just as pictured.

  2. May 14, 2017 at 6:23 pm

    23. Staying upright when walking requires diligence and attention.

    • John Branning
      May 15, 2017 at 10:26 am

      Yes! I still attempt to dash up and down stairs, but always with one hand on the railing.

  3. May 14, 2017 at 8:02 am

    Love your pic! and of course, great post!

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