Excited Gutterance | HumorOutcasts

Excited Gutterance

January 12, 2018

Haiti, El Salvador, Africa – they
Send all kinds of unwanted people our way.
I’d much rather see folks whose background is Norse
Come over to join us – they’re white folks, of course.

Graham and Durbin came by for a chat
I used a vile word: the tense present of “shat”
Followed by what remains after you shovel;
Claiming their people all live in a hovel.

Senator “Sneaky,” while camped ‘round a table
Offered a “clean bill.” I said I was able
And willing to sign it – and then came a voice:
“Without border protection, not a viable choice.”

I challenged those present to give me a plan
I’d sign it and take all the heat like a man.
But when those two senators came to discuss
I scoffed, saying, “Not those who don’t look like us.”

After that meeting, word soon got around
I’d used an obscenity, which many found
To be racist and vile and insulting to those
Who, to better themselves, ‘twas our country they chose.

Last night in the papers, and on the TV,
You saw/heard the word that was ascribed to me.
This morning I tweeted my angry denial:
Though rough, I would never use language that vile.

The media’s waiting to see how this plays;
Bound to dictate the news cycle for days.
If others confirm I used language that rude,
Then right up that very same hole I’ll be screwed.

John Branning

John Branning is a humorist whose writings have left literally millions of readers with no idea who he is. But for those who have managed to stumble upon his self-deprecating and hubristically-inclined writing, he's left them in stitches. And in this context, “in stitches” is considered to be an enjoyable experience versus something painful resulting from a visit to the emergency room. His newest book, "Keys To The Truculent Me," is available on Amazon as is his first book, "Selfie-Facing," which was recognized by The Huffington Post as one of “The Best Self-Published Books of 2016.” You can find more of his posts, where he uses all the vowels and most of the consonants on his keyboard, at JohnBranning.com.

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