Blog Archives

The Nobel Prize in Physics in 2017 will go to whoever can finish Angry Birds: Space

December 5, 2016
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VIENNA – Due to a lack of qualified applicants, the Nobel Committee has recently announced the winner of the Physics Prize will be awarded to the first individual from any eligible nation that can successfully…

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The Jacksons Sue Donald Trump For Violating Their ‘Victory Tour’ Trademark

December 4, 2016
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LOS ANGELES, CA – The Jacksons have filed a trademark lawsuit against Donald Trump and his transition team, claiming Trump’s ‘Victory Tour’ infringes on their legacy to the name. Jermaine, Tito, Jackie, and Marlon Jackson…

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Remembering Republican Contributions In Cinema

November 7, 2016
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Gwendolyn L. SpelvinGwendolyn L. Spelvin is a philosopher of the Edward Bernays Century of Self, a follower of Sigmund Freud’s explorations of the subconscious mind through chemical means, and an avid enthusiast of Adolph Hitler’s…

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Charmin’s Law makes wiping after bodily functions a sex offense felony

April 10, 2016
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After public pressure from victim’s rights groups who were casualties of non-predatory and non-violent sex crimes, President Barack Obama on Thursday signed into law the latest legislation designed to preemptively deter explorative fondling. Aptly named…

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Little Bo-Peep arrested; charged with sheep tail poaching

February 16, 2016
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Indianapolis officials have arrested a least likely suspect being held responsible for poaching and smuggling sheep after a national manhunt drew attention to the animal abuse violations on nearby farms. Little Bo-Peep was arrested Monday…

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Taking It To The Streets – Hilary Clinton’s new campaign strategy to pull in homeless voters.

February 15, 2016
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ATLANTA, GA – Presidential candidate Hilary Clinton in a brave new campaign strategy is reaching out to potential voters on the street in tent cities and in homeless shelters. Clinton has pledged to blend in…

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Smartass Sundays: Playing Family Feud as a Returning Champion

February 14, 2016
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Smartass Sundays: Playing Family Feud as a Returning Champion

Who doesn’t like the underdog family winning the game on Family Feud and coming back for week two? You can smell the cockiness from across the idiot box. The confidence, the snarkyness. Even a slight…

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Nothing says 1st World Greatness like Craigslist.

February 13, 2016
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Ahh Craigslist.  The symbol of everything Americans have worked for since the dawn of democracy.  My go to place for all things haggled.  I’ve seen some of it all.  The patriots on there have created…

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Bureau of Labor Statistics Now Uses Pinball Number Count For Unemployment Data

February 12, 2016
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The United States labor market is absolutely fine, according to the new BLS reports. Since February 1, the Bureau of Labor Statistics began using the Sesame Street Pinball number count in order to comprise a…

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Throwback Thursdays: Scott Walker Glows On Cosmo Cover

February 11, 2016
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MADISON, WI — Republican presidential hopeful Scott Walker graced the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine in June 2015 to respond to criticism of his silence on same sex marriage. Walker, who appears in drag on the…

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