Blog Archives

Holidays Meet Humor: Five Shitty Christmas Songs

December 6, 2016
By

It’s time once again to deck the halls and be merry and wear ugly sweaters. To get myself in the mood, I like to hit the eggnog and amaretto—light on the eggnog and very heavy…

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Getting Wind of a Time When the Cubs Were Smokin’ Hot

February 27, 2016
By

  It was Saturday, September 28, 1935. The Cubs had swept a doubleheader from the Cardinals on Friday giving Chicago twenty-one straight wins and clinching the National League pennant. Excited Cub fans were no doubt…

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The High Wire Act of Life

February 12, 2016
By

When I’m not Netflixing and chilling with my bae, I’m staying on fleek while getting turnt at my favorite drinking establishment with my mains, because, after all, YOLO. Am I right? And it’s pretty remarkable…

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Batshit Crazy Republicans

January 22, 2016
By

It’s stupid season again which means it’s time for our list of Batshit Crazy Republicans for 2016. Sarah Palin She’s not running this year, but Palin’s endorsement speech for Donald Trump broke new ground in the…

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The Incredible Shrinking Man

May 29, 2015
By

When I was born more than sixty years ago, I was very short. I’m basing this on photos I’ve seen of myself as a baby. Since then, not much has changed. Except I’m getting shorter.…

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Ebola or Camels: How Will You Die?

October 16, 2014
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Unless you’re already dead—perhaps from a virus—you’ve probably heard about the latest thing that will kill all of us. And by all of us, I mean Americans, because, after all, we’re the ones who truly…

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In the Gay Old Wintertime

February 13, 2014
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As this long, cold, lonely winter turns into more winter, many are asking, “What the fuck’s going on here?” Well the answer is simple because a winter this extreme can only mean one thing: we have become…

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Tips for the Married Woman on Picking up Guys

October 18, 2013
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As America’s foremost authority on picking up chicks, I have shared my expertise with readers through a pair of articles lifelong chick picker-upper Hugh Hefner once referred to as “what articles?” because he’s never read…

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More Tips for the Married Man on Picking up Chicks

October 3, 2013
By

Those of you who followed my fabulous writing career over at that vast wasteland formerly known as Associated Content probably remember an article I wrote a few years ago called Tips for the Married Man…

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A Who’s Who of Dancing with the Who?

September 10, 2013
By

It’s that time of year again when hot women with perfect bodies dressed in skimpy outfits and ripped men in sparkly shirts without buttons dance with a bunch of obnoxious out-of-shape nobodies otherwise known as…

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