The Incredible Shrinking Man
When I was born more than sixty years ago, I was very short. I’m basing this on photos I’ve seen of myself as a baby. Since then, not much has changed. Except I’m getting shorter. […]
When I was born more than sixty years ago, I was very short. I’m basing this on photos I’ve seen of myself as a baby. Since then, not much has changed. Except I’m getting shorter. […]
Unless you’re already dead—perhaps from a virus—you’ve probably heard about the latest thing that will kill all of us. And by all of us, I mean Americans, because, after all, we’re the ones who truly […]
As this long, cold, lonely winter turns into more winter, many are asking, “What the fuck’s going on here?” Well the answer is simple because a winter this extreme can only mean one thing: we have become […]
As America’s foremost authority on picking up chicks, I have shared my expertise with readers through a pair of articles lifelong chick picker-upper Hugh Hefner once referred to as “what articles?” because he’s never read […]
Those of you who followed my fabulous writing career over at that vast wasteland formerly known as Associated Content probably remember an article I wrote a few years ago called Tips for the Married Man […]
It’s that time of year again when hot women with perfect bodies dressed in skimpy outfits and ripped men in sparkly shirts without buttons dance with a bunch of obnoxious out-of-shape nobodies otherwise known as […]
If we’ve learned one thing from the Republican debates—other than the fact that Republicans are retarded—it’s that Barack Obama is a religion-hating baby killer. And with all the hubbub over the president’s “war on religion,” […]
After more than 200 published articles with YAHOO! Contributor Network (formerly Associated Content), I received my first rejection from them because “Commentary… should be thoughtful and measured [and] should make clear distinctions between opinion and […]
Yes they are. I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right with these people about the time the late Reverend Jerry Falwell began a crusade to take down that infamous public television promoter of the gay agenda, […]
After a long hiatus (Latin for “drug and alcohol rehab”), I have returned to bring you this year’s edition of my favorite subject: sex scandals. And if the sex scandals of 2011 taught us anything, […]