Blog Archives

Biden Tells Bibi Dakota, Carolina Models for Two-State Solution

March 21, 2015
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Biden Tells Bibi Dakota, Carolina Models for Two-State Solution

WASHINGTON, D.C. Rushing into the breach between his boss President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Vice President Joseph Biden today suggested that Carolina and Dakota be used as models for a possible “two-state”…

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Pope: Shroud of Turin is Either Jesus or Clapton

March 20, 2015
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Pope: Shroud of Turin is Either Jesus or Clapton

TURIN, Italy. Pope Francis sought to put an end to one of the Roman Catholic church’s most enduring mysteries today, saying the so-called “Shroud of Turin” is authentic, and that the face that appears in it…

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In Goodwill Gesture, Rahm Sends Dead Fish to Mayoral Opponent

March 19, 2015
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In Goodwill Gesture, Rahm Sends Dead Fish to Mayoral Opponent

CHICAGO.  Facing a run-off in his first bid for re-election, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel took a major step to repair his abrasive image by sending a dead fish to his opponent, Jesus “Chuy” Garcia.  “This is a friendly…

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Do You Need a Professional Tax Bisexual?

March 18, 2015
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Do You Need a Professional Tax Bisexual?

Oh and dont let me tell u about TAXES! Did you know that it is NOT a law that you HAVE TO PAY TAXES? Wow..hold up..droppin 2 much knowledge.”           Twitter tweet from “professional bisexual”…

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A Poem on the Feast of St. Gertrude, Patron Saint of Cats

March 17, 2015
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A Poem on the Feast of St. Gertrude, Patron Saint of Cats

(Upon the poet learning that his cats had chased off a pack of coyotes) You wish for assistance? No, my cousin Okie. If we die, it is our master’s loss, But if we live, the…

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Helpful Household Hints From Helena!

March 16, 2015
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Helpful Household Hints From Helena!

Helena’s many “Household Helpers” stuffed her mailbox with numerous “questions and suggestions” this month. So without further “ado”–or errant misplaced “quotes”–let’s see what’s on their minds! Dear Helena: Last month somebody asked you what she…

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In Compromise US Will Limit Gitmo Music Torture to Smooth Jazz

March 15, 2015
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In Compromise US Will Limit Gitmo Music Torture to Smooth Jazz

WASHINGTON, D.C. Heading off a potential showdown at the International Criminal Court, U.S. officials today agreed to limit music torture at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base to selections of “smooth jazz,” removing songs such as…

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Crowd at Walk for Low Sperm Count Lacks Potency, Numbers

March 14, 2015
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Crowd at Walk for Low Sperm Count Lacks Potency, Numbers

WAYLAND, Mass. It’s the first weekend of the annual spring charity walk season, and Lisa Montelo wants to be the early bird that catches the worm. “C’mon,” she says to her husband Jack, who is…

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With the Russian Exploding Dildo Squad

March 13, 2015
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With the Russian Exploding Dildo Squad

A Russian bomb squad was summoned to defuse a package containing a vibrator that had been turned on by accident. The Telegraph Ready to roll! Another day, another round of potentially deadly sex toys to…

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Kanye West, Gap Intern

March 12, 2015
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Kanye West, Gap Intern

As training for a line of clothes he will design for them, rapper Kanye West is doing an unpaid internship with clothing company The Gap.                                                        The Boston Herald Goddamn muthaf*****ng Baby Gap Jeans.  Why the…

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