Blog Archives

Welcome to bed, Mr. Hemsworth

February 21, 2016
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Welcome to bed, Mr. Hemsworth

I finally remembered to return my memory foam mattress the other day. It was getting old. I think it developed Alzheimer’s disease. It forgot who I was. It kept calling me Chris Hemsworth. I definitely…

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You Know the Drill

February 21, 2016
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I was captured by ISIS yesterday and tortured. Wait a minute. No. I was at the dentist. Always get those two situations confused. Had two teeth refilled. I asked for my entire head to be…

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Tryth to Power

February 19, 2016
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Oh, politicians and the pithy things they say. Here is Hillary Clinton in a recent interview: Interviewer: Have you always told the truth? Clinton: I’ve always tried to (wide-eyed). Hmmm. How does one try to…

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Brokn

February 17, 2016
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Everything is brokn. Even the word “brokn” in this article is brokn. We’re told this all the time, like a brokn record. Here’s a list of all the things brokn in this world. • everything…

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Unknown Knowns

February 12, 2016
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As my brain gets older, I’m moving from the aphorism “if only I knew then what I know now” to “if only I could remember now what I knew then.” But I still look good. See?…

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Why all this fuss about some smart scientists discovering gravitational waves, confirming Einstein’s theory? I found gravitational waves around my waist years ago, when I turned 40. PFHardieI am a graphic designer, humour writer, musician and…

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Not My Type

February 8, 2016
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As many of my friends know, my single, dating life (many moons ago) was abysmal. I had less chance of success than the ISIS barber shop down the street “taking a little off the top,…

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Please don’t kill me, youths in Asia

January 27, 2016
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Why do youths in Asia want to kill me? I hear all this talk in Canada about Youth-in-Asia and how, when I’m ready to die, they can help me “succeed”. I’m sorry, but I’ll die…

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Chip Off the Old Block

January 11, 2016
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I’m always looking for signs of the Almighty in my life. Oh sorry, did you think I meant my wife? I was confused for a minute there too. Yes, I’m completely wary of her wrath…

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Border Security: Empty Stomach, USA

January 7, 2016
By

I have a new diet plan this year. It differs from all other diets in that it uses obfuscation, misdirection and outright lying, things that have always worked for me in the past. It’s based on…

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