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	<title>HumorOutcasts &#187; Rich Amooi</title>
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	<description>The Place to Take a Humor Break</description>
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		<title>Scared to Death</title>
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		<pubDate>Sat, 03 Nov 2012 00:15:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rich Amooi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Daily Musings / Joke of The Day]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Death]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[math]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[scared]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[word problem]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Rich AmooiAfter I was born, the doctor yelled at my mom because she couldn’t get me to drink her breast milk. It wasn’t her fault. All I wanted to do was play with her boobs. As a child, I was obsessed with radios too (maybe because they also had knobs). I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that I ended up with a career in radio, which led to television, which led to independent films, which led to theater, which led to writing. And here I am! I'm currently working on my first novel (a romantic comedy). I'm very happily married and live in San Jose, California with my incredible wife and our extremely hairy dog.More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook - Pinterest]]></description>
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		<title>Pissing for Dummies &#8211; A Book Proposal</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/pissing-for-dummies-a-book-proposal/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Oct 2012 19:24:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rich Amooi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[To the For Dummies executives: we seriously need to talk. I have a great idea for a book that will sell billions. Every man in the world needs to read this book (and maybe a few hundred women). See below for a brief sample outline of my idea, as well as a sample introduction. Call me! I&#8217;m serious, don&#8217;t piss me off. Pissing For Dummies – A Book Proposal Introduction Chapter One: Choosing the Right Location Chapter Two: Puddles and the Importance of Aiming Chapter Three: Too Much Shaking = You Are Playing With it! Chapter Four:  Asparagus – What the Hell? Chapter Five: Washing Hands, What a Concept! Chapter Six: That Burning Sensation and other Conversation Killers Chapter Seven: Pissing in Your Pants – How Old is Too Old? Chapter Eight: Urinal Etiquette: Conversing With the Man Next to You Chapter Nine: Origin of the Word “Piss” and Other Neat Facts Chapter Ten: The Toilet Seat – Up or Down? Introduction Congratulations! Whether you have purchased this book, received it anonymously as a gift, stole it, or found it on a bench at the bus terminal, you are well on your way to learning everything you have ever wanted [...]]]></description>
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		<title>We Need To Talk</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/we-need-to-talk/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/we-need-to-talk/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 24 Sep 2012 18:09:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rich Amooi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Why in the hell does she leave me vague voice-mail messages like that? “We need to talk,” she says. “Call me.” Is it that difficult to give me a little clue as to what we need to talk about? Are you dying? Are you going to have my baby? Was the comment to my nephew about your new boobs inappropriate? Do you want me to help you move for the fifth time in five years? Did you get fired again? Did the doctors finally figure out what was causing the rash on the bottom of your ass? Did you get in another fight with your downstairs neighbor about the dog pee that leaks through the floor? Are you thinking of buying something else you’ve seen on late night television? Are you wondering again if that African businessman, whom you never met, is really going to transfer five million dollars into your bank account? Is someone stalking you? Are you stalking someone? Do you want to stalk someone? Do you wish someone who was stalking you in the past would start stalking you again? How is it possible that I haven’t even talked to you and I&#8217;m already stressed out? Well [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Somebody Kill Me&#8230;Please</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/somebody-kill-me-please/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/somebody-kill-me-please/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 14 Sep 2012 17:29:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rich Amooi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[I was pretty certain that she was trying to break the Guinness world record for the most continuous mundane sentences to exit from a mouth during a single sitting. I wanted to stuff a few hundred napkins down her throat, cut off her oxygen, and watch, as she died a slow, slow death. I had a much better time at my Mother’s funeral. Who does she think she is? This woman was trying to impress me with vocabulary words like: opprobrium, wantonness, and photometry; but what she didn’t realize was that my elevated, providential, and idiosyncratic annals of jargon could straightforwardly kick her depleted, hideous, and unimpressive vocabulary’s ass all the way back to whatever planet it came from. How could Seth think that I would like a woman like this? Blind dates suck. I looked around the restaurant, trying to see if anyone else was thinking of committing suicide. There was a cute older couple in a booth, holding hands, acting as if they had crushes on each other. I watched as the man across from me snuck his hand under the table, caressing his woman’s thigh, as she smiled like a giddy schoolgirl. A waiter walked by, whistling, [...]]]></description>
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