Blog Archives

Presidential Beauty Pageant

September 12, 2015
By

After giving Fiorino a low score in the “looks” department in his Rolling Stone interview, Donald Trump holds out hope for the former Hewlett-Packard CEO in the swimsuit competition. “From the neck down, she’s not…

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Ben Carson: Life Begins at Happy Hour!

September 8, 2015
By

“Life doesn’t start when the sperm meets the egg,” said Ben Carson. “As a physician, who takes his marching orders directly from the Lord Jesus Christ, not from NIH, I believe Life begins with chemical…

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Trumps Gets Record-Breaking Book Deal

September 5, 2015
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Ransom House announced a $20 million dollar advance for Donald Trump’s newest book, Apologizing is for Losers. “From the response we’ve gotten from the major sellers, we anticipate that the first edition will be sold…

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Trump’s Immigration Jackpot

August 17, 2015
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After weeks of speculation, Donald Trump finally revealed the details of his proposed Border Wall . “There won’t be any barbed wire or concrete,” said Trump. “I’ll use 2,000 miles of slot machines.” “How will…

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Hillary’s PantsGate

August 17, 2015
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  “This isn’t about Benghazi,” said Washington socialite Missy Vandercamp. “This is about Hillary’s pantsuits.  They make her look like a frumpy high school principal. I tried to warn her when she first came to…

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Bernie Sanders: The Second Coming?

August 13, 2015
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Among the 100,000 who attended Bernie Sander’s rallies this month, there is a growing contingent of Evangelicals who are causing speculation among pollsters. “We’re not sure if they are here to agitate or support Sanders,”…

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Walker Endorses Chastity Belts

August 10, 2015
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“Big pharma is going to squeal like a stuck pig, but I can wrestle those bloated lobbyists into submission just like I did with the unions,” Governor Scott Walker told This Reporter as we toured…

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Palin Ready for Prime Time

August 8, 2015
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“We’re gonna knock your socks off, America!” said Sarah Palin, as she signed napkins for customers at the Lock ‘N Load Dinner in Wasilla, Alaska. “Are you nervous about how the press will respond to…

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Trump Diagnosed with Tourette’s

July 21, 2015
By

Newly released medical records explain Donald Trump’s refusal to apologize for his recent hostile outbursts. “We have reason to suspect Trump suffers from a rare form of Tourette’s that causes him to compulsively blurt out…

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Bibi’s Bid for the White House

July 18, 2015
By

Israel’s prime minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu declared his intention to throw his yarmulke into the ring as a GOP candidate for President over coffee at Café Yakna in Jerusalem. “What do I have to lose?”…

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