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	<title>HumorOutcasts &#187; Tor Constantino</title>
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	<link>http://humoroutcasts.com</link>
	<description>The Place to Take a Humor Break</description>
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		<title>Open Letter to the Makers of Elf on the Shelf</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/open-letter-to-the-makers-of-elf-on-the-shelf/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/open-letter-to-the-makers-of-elf-on-the-shelf/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 06 Dec 2012 14:41:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christmas]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[deception]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elf on the shelf]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[helium balloons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[macy's thanksgiving day parade]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Santa Claus]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=26358</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for creating the Elf on the Shelf franchise of books, cookies, plush dolls, DVDs&#8230;etc. which enable parents such as my wife and me the privilege of paying $29.95 to deceive our children. The Story of the Elf As you well know, your fabricated story of the Elf asserts that he/she appears in the child&#8217;s home between Thanksgiving and Christmas as a behavioral scout for Saint Nick, to keep an eagle eye on the children for the &#8220;naughty and nice&#8221; list. The Elf is supposed to change surveillance perches within the home on a daily basis to facilitate the rouse over impressible children, coupled with the admonition that the kids can NEVER touch the Elf &#8211; or the Elf will never return. This snowflake-thin scenario is tough enough to purport on the blossoming minds of our kids without your brazen marketing efforts to the contrary. Which brings me to the purpose of this letter. Tougher to Lie to My Kids While companies have a right to make a profit, your organization is directly undermining the very foundation of the hard-fought lies that loving parents like us strive and connive to maintain. For instance, shortly after [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/open-letter-to-the-makers-of-elf-on-the-shelf/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>10 Rejected &#8220;Eye of the Tiger&#8221; Alternate Lyrics&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-rejected-eye-of-the-tiger-alternate-phrases/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-rejected-eye-of-the-tiger-alternate-phrases/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Oct 2012 15:50:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[another one bites the dust]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eye of the tiger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funnny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[jimi jamison]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Queen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rocky III]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Survivor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sylvester stallone]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=23730</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This past football weekend, I heard no fewer than a dozen different sports commentators describe various athletes as having the &#8220;eye of the tiger&#8221; as a positive tribute to a particularly gritty or unrelenting athletic performance. The phrase is a metaphorical reference to the prowling carnivore&#8217;s unrelenting hunger to survive &#8211; and it was introduced to the American sports lexicon in 1982 when Eye of the Tiger was the theme song for Rocky III, written and performed by the band Survivor. According to Wikipedia, Sylvester Stallone commissioned the song for the movie when he was unable to license Another Bites the Dust from the band Queen. To demonstrate how pervasive this phrase has penetrated the American psyche, when you start to type the generic word &#8220;eye&#8221; into Google, the first auto-fill search option that Google recommends is &#8220;Eye of the Tiger.&#8221; Regardless, few people know that Survivor front man Jimi Jamison had several other alternate animal-body-part phrases that he ultimately rejected. Consider the following: Throat of the Goat Bowel of the Fowl Earwax of the Wombat Epiglottis of the Hippopotamus Derriere of the Bear Dander of the Panther Gizzard of the Lizard Jowl of the Owl Emphysema of the Hyena Back [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-rejected-eye-of-the-tiger-alternate-phrases/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Once Upon a Vasectomy&#8230;.</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/once-upon-a-vasectomy/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/once-upon-a-vasectomy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 18 Sep 2012 20:15:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[doctor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[snip]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[specialist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[urologist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vas deferens]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vasectomy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WebMD]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=23141</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Once upon a time, there lived a family of four. The parents so loved their kids, they wanted to try for one more. After trying and prayers, they soon had a boy &#8211; this latest addition brought them all loads of  joy. The parents agreed their family&#8217;s size was just  fine. So much so they nodded, &#8220;We should perhaps draw a line.&#8221; But the line&#8217;s not a true line &#8211; it&#8217;s a metaphor you see, because the couple decided to have a vasectomy. When I say &#8220;the couple&#8221; I of course mean the man, &#8216;cuz he&#8217;s the one for which a vasectomy is planned. The quest was engaged &#8211; his reproductive door would be shut &#8211; a doctor was needed for the man&#8217;s final cut. To find a great doctor would indeed by the key &#8211;  identify an MD for his nether anatomy. Referrals from close friends was all that it took, the dad found a great doc to take a quick look. Upon consultation a date they did make, the doctor assured it&#8217;d be easy as cake. Regardless, the dad soon looked up WebMD &#8211; to learn a bit more of his near surgery. While researching online the dad started [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/once-upon-a-vasectomy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>8 Nasty Types of Fruit</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/8-nasty-types-of-fruit/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/8-nasty-types-of-fruit/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 06 Sep 2012 15:39:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[akee]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[apocalypse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bad fruit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fruitcake]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kiwi]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[least favorite fruits]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mango]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[maraschino cherries]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[not fit for food]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[papaya]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[peach]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pomegranate]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[prunes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tomatoes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unny]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=22676</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I love virtually all vegetables and fruits. But let&#8217;s be honest, not all fruits are worth eating. In fact, some might only be sanctioned for consumption in a post-apocalyptic-global-thermo-nuclear-war scenario. Such is the case for the following eight fruits that are simply not fit to eat otherwise. 8. Prunes &#8211; I rather enjoy plums but somehow during the dehydration process to metamorph into a prune, all the tart deliciousness gets sucked out and gets replaced with the blechy flavor of nursing home, moth balls, Geritol and Ensure. 7. Mango/Papaya/Pineapple/Akee &#8211; The very thought of any of these tropical-tasting fruits makes me throw up a little in my mouth. That involuntary reflex (or reflux) is due to the fact that I ate nearly a whole bag of tropical-flavored Starburst fruit chews as a teenager one Halloween. When I woke from the fruit-chew-induced sugar coma I couldn&#8217;t even stomach the sounds of Caribbean steel drums without regurgitating bile &#8211; let alone eat a piece of tropical fruit. 6. Pumpkin &#8211; Pumpkins (pronounced punkin by the kids in my household) belong to the pepo class (e.g. watermelon, honey dew&#8230;etc.) of fruit. Regrettably, this pepo variety is barely edible in a Thanksgiving pie and is best served smashed on the road the day [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/8-nasty-types-of-fruit/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Top-10 Creepiest Clowns Ever</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/top-10-creepiest-clowns-ever/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/top-10-creepiest-clowns-ever/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Jun 2012 15:40:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[clarabell]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[clowns]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emmit kelly junior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kaboom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[krusty the clown]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pennywise]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pogo the clown]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poltergeist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ronald McDonald]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=19388</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I have to confess that I suffer from a disorder that currently has no cure. It&#8217;s a haunting problem that few people talk about. But I&#8217;m breaking my silence. I have coulrophobia &#8211; an acute fear of clowns. While this may not have the same high-profile cache as other phobias such as fear of water, heights or overly-hairy women it is a real disorder and not a laughing matter. In an effort to face this fear, I&#8217;ve compiled a list of the Top-10 Creepiest Clowns Ever. In addition to this &#8220;confrontation therapy,&#8221; I&#8217;m also writing this blog while dressed as Emmett Kelly Jr. to maximize the effect.This type of therapy is challenging. Tears are streaking the grease paint on my face and dripping down to the water-squirting flower on my lapel &#8211; but I will endure. This blog is a safe place for me, thank you for your support. Here&#8217;s the list&#8230;. 10. Krusty the Clown &#8211; this character from the cartoon series the Simpsons is not really scary because he&#8217;s pretty funny. Yet being a clown, by definition, makes him terrifying. Such is the irrationality of my phobia. 9. Any Sad-Faced Clown &#8211; I&#8217;ve never understood this idea. Clowns are [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>5 Delivery Room Rules for Expectant Dads</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/5-delivery-room-rules-for-expectant-dads/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/5-delivery-room-rules-for-expectant-dads/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 20 Jun 2012 16:23:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[born]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[delivery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[expectant]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[expecting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[preggo]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pregnancy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=19116</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Given that we&#8217;re about to have our third child, I thought I&#8217;d share five rules to help expectant dads survive and navigate the newborn experience. Below is an infographic I developed titled - Baby Delivery: 101. &#160; Tor ConstantinoI'm an ex- journalist, current PR guy, husband, dad, marathoner and blogger with more than 20+ years writing experience. Sometimes my stuff is funny - at least that's what my 6-year old tells me. I also have a mild case of coulrophobia - trust me that is not a laughing matter. I blog at http://www.thedailyretort.com.More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/5-delivery-room-rules-for-expectant-dads/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Final Bastion of Manhood Falls&#8230;.</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/the-final-bastion-of-manhood-falls/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/the-final-bastion-of-manhood-falls/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Jun 2012 23:28:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[arts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crafts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[duck brand]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[duct tape]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hot wheels]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Last Bastion of Manhood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[legos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lincoln logs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[making good decisions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[polly pockets]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[protecting your child]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[raising kids]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[toys]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=18324</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I don&#8217;t mean to brag, but I&#8217;m a bit of a &#8220;Toy Whisperer.&#8221; I mean, if I had a superpower it would be knowing the perfect toy for  each kid. Birthdays, holidays, elementary school graduations &#8211; I nail it every time, for both boys and girls. For my daughters, I&#8217;ve well versed in the X-chromosome language of Polly Pockets, Squinkies and Orbeez. It&#8217;s a gift, actually. Yet it can also be a heavy burden. Periodically, I&#8217;ll sneak a traditionally boyish toy into the girl&#8217;s playtime arsenal &#8211; Lincoln Logs, building Legos, Hot Wheels. It&#8217;s my way of creating balance and harmony within their toydom universe. Unfortunately, I sense a disturbance in this stasis. It&#8217;s a genius idea from a marketing perspective but it makes my inner caveman want to cry. [NOTE: When I say "cry," I don't mean as if I was watching the movie The Notebook or anything, but more like the native American Iron Eyes Cody from the pollution PSAs of the 1970s - I want to cry that way]. Honestly, I&#8217;m not very handy. I have three tools in my tool box &#8211; a screw, a hammer (I think that&#8217;s what it&#8217;s called) and a silver roll [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Tinkerbell, Freedom &amp; Cleverbot???</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/tinkerbell-freedom-cleverbot/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/tinkerbell-freedom-cleverbot/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Jun 2012 22:05:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[artificial intelligence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christmas]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cleverbot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Halloween]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Memorial Day]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MLK]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Monty Python]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[St. Patrick's Day]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thanksgiving]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=18282</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[One of the more popular features on my site The Daily ReTORt are installments of my conversations with Cleverbot. What’s Cleverbot you ask? Cleverbot, is Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) software  that supposedly learns by conversing with humans via an instant messaging platform. I&#8217;ve never found Cleverbot to be intelligent in the purest definition of the word; however, interacting with this particular “thinking” software can be mildly entertaining. Here’s the most recent interview I had with this bastion of A.I. lunacy: St. Patrick&#8217;s Day With Cleverbot Below, is a conversation I had with Cleverbot this morning regarding Memorial Day. While it&#8217;s a week late &#8211; it&#8217;s always better late than never with Cleverbot. ========================================================= User: Hi Cleverbot, we usually chat about the various holidays but I was busy last Monday (which was Memorial Day) &#8211; how have you been? Cleverbot: No, we never talked about any of that? Where did that come from. User: Ummm&#8230;you don&#8217;t remember that we&#8217;ve talked about St. Patrick&#8217;s Day, MLK Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Veteran&#8217;s Day? Cleverbot: What? User: No problem, I don&#8217;t want to fight. Let&#8217;s pretend we&#8217;ve never done this before. Cleverbot, do you know much about Memorial Day? Cleverbot: Not really. User: Well, [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>12 Things Dads Do NOT Want to Hear&#8230;.</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/12-things-dads-do-not-want-to-hear/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/12-things-dads-do-not-want-to-hear/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 29 May 2012 16:06:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[12 Phrases Dads Do Not Want to Hear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[making good decisions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[protecting your child]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[raising kids]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=18009</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[As a parent of two kids &#8211; plus another expected addition within the next few weeks &#8211; there are some things I love to hear my daughters say. Such as, &#8220;You&#8217;re the greatest dad ever&#8221; or &#8220;I love you to the moon and back&#8221; or &#8220;I&#8217;m not going to date until I&#8217;m 35 years old!!!&#8221; That&#8217;s music to my ears. However, there are some phrases that I dread to hear coming from the mouths of my children. While I haven&#8217;t heard all of these yet &#8211; my two daughters are only preteens after all &#8211; I expect to hear a few of them in the near future.  But I hope not: &#8220;Dad, I really like this Swedish death metal band called GoryTopia &#8211; they rock!&#8221; &#8220;I&#8217;m not sure which end of the cat it came out of, but there is a mess on your leather chair in the basement.&#8221; &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I get an iPhone 4S? I&#8217;m already 1o years old!&#8221; &#8220;So, the big screen TV in the basement is now a bunch of little teeny-tiny &#8216;screens&#8217; on the floor.&#8221; &#8220;Daddy I&#8217;m so stoked! I won a contest to tour with the Swedish death metal band GoryTopia here in the US. I [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>14</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>10 Places Beach Balls Are Not Welcome</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-places-beach-balls-are-not-welcome/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-places-beach-balls-are-not-welcome/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 18 May 2012 15:24:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[andrea bocelli]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[beach balls]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[biden]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[colonoscopy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[giving birth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[irs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Obama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[prison riot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[republican national committee]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the beach boys]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the daily retort]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tor constantino]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=17404</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I was jogging the other day through a park near our home, and I saw a group of kids playing with a beach ball &#8211; trying to keep it off the ground. It got me thinking of concerts I attended in college, when I worked the ticket booth at an amphitheater. Every show, someone felt it was their civic duty to bring a beach ball to the event and start knocking it around audience. It seemed appropriate when The Beach Boys performed &#8211; not so much, when it was Andrea Bocelli. That got me thinking about some inappropriate places where beach balls might be less appreciated. Here&#8217;s a list: 10. An IRS audit 9. A colonoscopy exam 8. A prison riot 7. Arbitration for a divorce (this one is iffy since a celebration might be in order in some cases.) 6. A root canal 5. Virtually any meeting between Vice President, Joe Biden and President Obama after Biden speaks publicly on a dicey topic, forcing the VP to hop away with his chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease. 4. A typical CIA information gathering session replete with waterboards and fire hoses. 3. Any meeting of the Republican National Committee as they [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
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		<title>Botched Underwear Bomb is Butt of Jokes</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/botched-underwear-bomb-is-butt-of-jokes/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/botched-underwear-bomb-is-butt-of-jokes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 11 May 2012 18:07:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Botched Underwear Bomb is Butt of Jokes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CIA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detroit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FBI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[la times]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[osama bin ladin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[underwear bomb]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[US intelligence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wmds]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[yemen]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=17189</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The CIA reported earlier this week that the recent anniversary of Osama Bin Laden&#8217;s death may have sparked a botched bombing in Yemen involving a U.S. airliner&#8230;.and a pair of booby-trapped underpants. Apparently, these were not your garden variety brand of unmentionables. While it&#8217;s not clear whether the undergarments in question were boxers or briefs, according to the L.A. Times it&#8217;s clear that these skivvies were intended to be an improvement over a similar pair of loaded underwear that failed to blow up in 2009. Here&#8217;s an excerpt from the news story: The plot involved an upgrade of the underwear bomb that failed to detonate aboard a jetliner over Detroit on Dec., 25, 2009.  This new bomb was also designed to be used in a passenger&#8217;s underwear, but this time Al Qaeda developed a more refined detonation system, U.S. officials said. The FBI is examining the latest bomb to see whether it could have passed through airport security and brought down an airplane, officials said. They said the device did not contain metal, meaning it probably could have passed through an airport metal detector. But it was not clear whether new body scanners used in many airports would have detected [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/botched-underwear-bomb-is-butt-of-jokes/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
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		<title>Gut-Busting Words With Kids</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/gut-busting-words-with-kids/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/gut-busting-words-with-kids/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 25 Apr 2012 18:07:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ark linkletter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[descriptions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eric ruhalter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hilarious Words With Kids]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kids]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[laughs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the kid dictionary]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tor constantino]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=16489</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Humorist Art Linkletter is most well known for his popular broadcast program Kids Say the Darndest Things, which ran from the 1940s through the 1960s. However, beyond merely saying the darndest things, sometimes kids DO the darndest things that have no existing description within the English language. How do parents convey these unexplanable antics??? Enter Eric Ruhalter&#8217;s book The Kid Dictionary &#8211; hilarious words to describe the indescribable things kids do. Ruhalter is a father of three rambunctious kids who helped inspire the book. While, I&#8217;ve not read his collection of idioms yet here are a few funny samples from the Amazon web site: Wishjack: (WISH—jak) v: To blow out the candles on another child&#8217;s birthday cake. Brofitti: (broh-FEE-tee) v: The act of scribbling with permanent marker on the face of a younger sibling. Clandesdine: (klan-DES-dyne) v: To hide from one&#8217;s child while eating a cookie so he doesn&#8217;t ask for one too. These genius examples inspired me to come up with a few of my own kid-defining phrases: 1. Kiddo-Ditto: the unending sibling game of &#8220;will you stop copying me&#8230;&#8221; 2. Food-itude: the attitude our daughters cop when dinner is something other than mac &#38; cheese, pizza or grilled cheese. 3. Snow-Job-Description: the creative embellishment our oldest daughter displays to get [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
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		<title>10 Worst Celebrity Baby Names</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-worst-celebrity-baby-names/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/10-worst-celebrity-baby-names/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:09:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby names]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bullies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chris martin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gwen stefani]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[penn jillette]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[punk brewster]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[qwyneth paltrow]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[soleil moon frye]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[zumba]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=15683</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;What&#8217;s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.&#8221; ~William Shakespeare &#8220;Thanks for that Willie, but you&#8217;re wrong &#8211; names matter.&#8221; ~Tor Constantino Despite what The Bard says, names matter. My birth name is Salvatore and as a kid growing up I was picked on a lot because my parents nicknamed me &#8220;Tory.&#8221; During the 1970s and 80s that kind of name was different, ergo it was an easy target for bullies and mockery. Based on my firsthand experience, I think most kids in elementary and middle schools, don&#8217;t want to be too different &#8211; I think they&#8217;d prefer to play, make friends and blend in. Again, names matter. As you may know, we&#8217;re expecting our third child &#8211; a baby boy &#8211; this June. My wife and I have spent a considerable amount of time discussing his name. I wrote about what we will call him here. But that got me thinking about some of the crazy names that celebrity parents have been burdening their children with of late. The site BabyCenter has an archive that&#8217;s continually updated with these celebrity misnomers and from that list, I&#8217;ve collected the 10 Worst Celebrity [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
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		<title>The Hunger Games &amp; The Psych Couch</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/the-hunger-games-the-psych-couch/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/the-hunger-games-the-psych-couch/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 23 Mar 2012 18:18:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Movies & TV]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[effie]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gale]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[haymitch]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hunger Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[katniss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[peeta]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[president snow]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rue]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the daily retort]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tor constantino]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=15595</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I don&#8217;t know how to psycho-analyze but I saw the movie &#8220;Psycho&#8221; with Tony Perkins. I can&#8217;t distinguish between my &#8220;id&#8221; and my &#8220;super ego&#8221; but I do enjoy Eggo waffles. I don&#8217;t have a doctorate in psychology, but I do have my name &#8220;Tor&#8221; in the word docTORate. Given those impressive credentials, I believe that I’m more than qualified to dispense clinical diagnoses for fictional characters. That’s why I write this periodic series titled The Psychiatric Couch. Past installments of this feature have included: Winnie the Pooh and Friends, Gilligan&#8217;s Island and the Brady Bunch. Given the fact that today marks the opening day of the feature film version of The Hunger Games by author Suzanne Collins, it seemed appropriate to haul Haymitch and the gang on The Psychiatric Couch. CASE HISTORY: The Hunger Games trilogy is set in a post-apocalyptic country called Panem, that&#8217;s run by a fascist leader who holds supreme power over the 12 other district-states that comprise the rest of the nation. The &#8220;Hunger Games&#8221; are an annual gladiator-style event in which a teenage boy and girl are selected by lottery from each of the 12 districts to compete in a brutal, televised game of mortal combat &#8211; and from those 24 teenagers [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
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		<title>Recipe for U.S. Economic Recovery</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/recipe-for-u-s-economic-recover/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/recipe-for-u-s-economic-recover/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Mar 2012 19:00:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=15491</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s no secret that the U.S. economy continues to struggle. The country continues to nickel-and-dime its way out of the monetary morass of the past few years, and gold is a favored investment option given the uncertainties surrounding currencies such as the euro, drachma and dollar. However, a recent story I read struck me as a possible savory solution of sorts. It seems a high-end bakery called Sprinkles Cupcakes in Los Angeles has invented a cupcake (automated teller machine) ATM  [see photo insert]. The idea is that you walk up to the machine, insert several dollars, choose from eight flavor combinations and out pops a freshly-baked cupcake. The confection maker is very clear that this is NOT a vending machine but rather an ATM or more specifically an ACM (automated cupcake machine) that makes fresh cupcakes each day. Any unused product is then donated to local food banks daily &#8211; the original story can be found here. All this talk of food banks and cupcake ATMs got me thinking about cupcakes as currency. Heck, the U.S. transitioned from the gold standard in the 1970s to the &#8220;&#8230;full faith and credit of the U.S. Government&#8230;&#8221; and given the near insolvency of the aforementioned U.S. government [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/recipe-for-u-s-economic-recover/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
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		<title>A Pre-St. Patrick&#8217;s Day Talk With Cleverbot</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/a-pre-st-patricks-day-talk-with-cleverbot/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/a-pre-st-patricks-day-talk-with-cleverbot/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 15 Mar 2012 14:53:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[beamish stout]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cleverbot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cornbeef and cabbage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[St. Patrick's Day]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=15307</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Holidays provide a great reason to have a discussion with Cleverbot. What’s Cleverbot you ask? Cleverbot, is a web-based Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) application that supposedly has the ability to learn by conversing with humans via an instant messaging platform. While it’s a stretch to say that Cleverbot is intelligent, interacting with this particular “thinking” software can be mildly entertaining…especially when discussing holiday traditions and history. Here’s the most recent interview I had with this bastion of A.I. idiocy: An MLK Day Chat With Cleverbot Below, is a conversation I had with Cleverbot this morning regarding St. Patrick’s Day. ============================================================ User: Hello Cleverbot, I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing – it’s been awhile since we talked! Cleverbot: You’re talking to me. User: Hah! That’s a great impersonation of Robert DeNiro’s portrayal of Travis Bickle in the 1976 movie Taxi Driver. I see you’ve gotten funnier since our last conversation! Cleverbot: Do you like bunnies? User: Uh yeah, they’re swell I guess. Anyway, I was hoping to chat a little with you about St. Patrick’s Day, which is this Saturday. Cleverbot: I thought you knew him already. User: Well, I don’t think anybody knows Mr. Saint Patrick personally since he was alive in the [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
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		<title>What Was I Thinking???</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/what-was-i-thinking/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/what-was-i-thinking/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Mar 2012 15:19:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Disney]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mickey mouse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what was I thinking]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=15273</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Admit it. You’ve had one of those moments – we all have. We did or said something that seemed completely lucid, rational and sane at the time, yet in hindsight we ultimately shake our heads and ask ourselves, “What was I thinking???” I’m not talking about major life-changing screw-ups. No base jumping off the CN Tower in Toronto, or trying to knock off a Vegas casino or smuggling endangered animals into the Ukraine or getting a Mike-Tyson-face tattoo. None of that. I’m talking about little “what was I thinking ” moments such as eating raw blow fish on a business trip, buying steel-belted radials for your wife’s anniversary or cutting your own hair. My experiences in this category are legion, including the Mickey Mouse t-shirt I bought [see photo insert]. Let me preface that I’m a grown, college-educated man with two advanced degrees who worked for more than 10 years as a cynical journalist. Having said that – I LOVE Disney World. As a kid growing up I always wanted to go to the Magic Kingdom but my folks could never afford to take their family of seven. So when my wife and I got married, we decided to honeymoon [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
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		<title>7 Possible Downton Abbey Spin-off Shows</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/7-possible-downton-abbey-spin-off-shows/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/7-possible-downton-abbey-spin-off-shows/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 27 Feb 2012 14:36:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Movies & TV]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[biggest loser]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CSI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[downton abbey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grey's anatomy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[maggie smith]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=14524</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[According to recent media reports, the second season finale for the critically-acclaimed PBS series Downton Abbey commanded the largest television ratings for public broadcasting in years. For those of us with little reason to watch government-subsidized public broadcasting, Downton Abbey is akin to the soap opera Days of Our Lives only it airs once a week and is set in England during the early 1900&#8242;s. While I&#8217;ve never watched a single episode of the show, I do know success when I see it. Whether it&#8217;s CSI, Law &#38; Order or Grey&#8217;s Anatomy &#8211; the best network shows have spin-off programs to extend the success cycle, brand and reach. It’s time for Downton Abbey to do the same while its popularity continues to climb. However, since most government-funded, socialized television networks tend to be staffed with weak marketeers, I&#8217;d like to offer some suggestions to help PBS capitalize on the success of its award-winning drama. Here are 7 Possible Downton Abbey Spin-offs to extend the reach and appeal of the show: 1. Downton Flabbey: NBC&#8217;s &#8220;Biggest Loser&#8221; franchise partners with PBS for a UK-version set in the early 20th century when Yorkshire pudding and mutton were considered health foods. 2. Downton 5-minute-Abs-ey: a direct-to-video offering that caters to health conscious consumers [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
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		<title>Lazy Lent Fasting Options</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/lazy-lent-fasting-options/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/lazy-lent-fasting-options/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:21:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Religion or Lack Of]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ash Wednesday]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[easter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lent]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=14276</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The Lent season is upon us and for Catholics, Eastern Orthodox and Protestants it’s a time of reflection, abstinence and fasting. According to the Bible, fasting is the conscious denial of physical needs such as hunger and thirst to sharpen spiritual focus, bring deliverance and foster fellowship with God. There’s fasting from meats, smoking and dainty delicacies; fasting for a predetermined time period ranging from a single meal up to the emaciating 40-day Survivor fast; as well as fasting from all food and beverage – including the nearly heretical idea of fasting Chick-fil-A. While fasting is a great discipline for any Christian to practice anytime of year, let’s be honest – it’s tough! For believers who are struggling to hold their Lenten meat fast for the 40-day stretch from Ash Wednesday through Easter, here are some Lax Lent Fasting Options to consider. Lasting: is the refusal to watch any professional sports team that finished in last place last season including the Indianapolis Colts in the NFL; the Minnesota Timberwolves in the NBA; the Edmonton Oilers in the NHL or Houston Astros in Major League Baseball. Pasting: requires avoidance of all types of historical reenactments including: Civil War simulations, Renaissance festivals and fairs, [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
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		<title>7 Phantom Scents My Pregnant Wife Thinks She Smells</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/7-phantom-scents-my-pregnant-wife-thinks-she-smells/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/7-phantom-scents-my-pregnant-wife-thinks-she-smells/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 10 Feb 2012 10:56:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pregnancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[scents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[smells]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weird]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=13830</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s fairly common knowledge that pregnancy induces an internal hormonal cascade that can&#8230;hmmm, how should I phrase it&#8230;change the perceptions of a pregnant woman. Such perceptional shifts are perfectly normal. Especially considering the fact that the budding life is competing with mom for food, water and oxygen, while mom&#8217;s body is building the necessary infrastructure to accommodate the demanding fetal tyrant. The least we expectant dads can do is cut our pregnant wives some slack because the lovely ladies are all hopped up on estrogen, progesterone and  human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). Coincidentally, I think each of those are on the banned substance list for the 2012 Summer Olympics, but I could be wrong. Regardless, during each of my wife&#8217;s three pregnancies the baby-induced hormone bath has given her a homo-superior enhanced sense of smell, it&#8217;s almost like living with a super-hott-(with double &#8220;T&#8221;)-babe version of mutant superhero Wolverine. Because of her freakishly keen olfactory senses, my wife is nearly always catching phantom whiffs of some such thing or another that no normal human can. The actual source scents are almost certainly several blocks down the street &#8211; possibly in the neighboring county. But here are 7 phantom scents my pregnant wife thinks [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/7-phantom-scents-my-pregnant-wife-thinks-she-smells/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
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		<title>Gender Predicting&#8230;the Old Fashioned Way</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/gender-predicting-the-old-fashioned-way/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/gender-predicting-the-old-fashioned-way/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:40:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[boy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Chinese lunar calendar]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gender predicting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[girl]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=13238</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[My wife is 19 weeks pregnant today, and this afternoon we&#8217;re going to her doctor for an ultrasound to (hopefully) determing the baby&#8217;s gender. [NOTE: our fingers are crossed that the baby's legs won't be...] That&#8217;s the kind of people we are &#8211; we don&#8217;t like surprises and we even peek and partially unwrap Christmas presents to alleviate the suspense. Don&#8217;t judge us! Anyway, before we try the scientific method of knowing the baby&#8217;s sex we decided to try a completely unscientific method. BabyCenter.com offers a completely unreliable tool called its Chinese Gender Predictor. Here&#8217;s how the web site describes the tool: Is it a boy or girl? Give our Chinese gender chart a try. Legend says that the gender chart is more than 700 years old and was discovered in a royal tomb. It predicts your baby&#8217;s sex based on your Chinese lunar age at the time you got pregnant and the Chinese lunar month in which you conceived. (Don&#8217;t worry, we&#8217;ll calculate those for you!) There&#8217;s no scientific proof that the Chinese gender calendar works, but since there are only two choices – boy or girl – about 50 percent of the time it should make the right call. [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Tim Tebow Funny Football Fever</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/tim-tebow-funny-football-fever/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/tim-tebow-funny-football-fever/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 06 Jan 2012 15:41:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Broncos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[playoffs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[steelers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tim Tebow]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=12501</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Here’s the latest episode in my “Wedded Blisster Series” of animated movie shorts. Marriage is bliss, but these mini-movies I make have a humorous take on some of the blisters that couples face along their blissful way. Episode #13 deals with the NFL playoffs this weekend and the larger than life persona of Tim Tebow, quarterback of the Denver Broncos. The links to my other recent Wedded Blisster episodes follow the video below. &#160; &#160; Honey Do List: Wedded Blisster Series &#8211; Part 12 Black Friday Blues: Wedded Blisster Series &#8211; Part 11 Dinner Debate: Wedded Blisster Series – Part 10 Pet Peeves: Wedded Blisster Series – Part 9 =============================================================== Tor Constantino is a former journalist, bestselling author and current PR guy who lives near Washington, DC. He has worked for Fortune 500 companies, CBS Radio, Clear Channel Radio, ABC-TV and CBS-TV affiliates. He has authored his first non-fiction book “A Question of Faith”  and he blogs regularly at The Daily ReTORt. Tor ConstantinoI'm an ex- journalist, current PR guy, husband, dad, marathoner and blogger with more than 20+ years writing experience. Sometimes my stuff is funny - at least that's what my 6-year old tells me. I also have [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/tim-tebow-funny-football-fever/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>My Failed Facebook Marriage&#8230;.</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/my-failed-facebook-marriage/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/my-failed-facebook-marriage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 04 Jan 2012 17:14:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[facebook]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tor constantino]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=12373</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You probably don&#8217;t know this about me, but I&#8217;m a sensitive soul&#8230;.a petite, genteel flower if you will. I drink Celestial Seasonings sleepy-time chamomile tea as a pick-me-up. All of my under garments must be made out of crushed velvet and infused with Downey fabric softener and other anti-chafing agents. Even my toothbrush bristles are made from 100% baby rabbit fur. Suffice to say that I have a delicate constitution. That&#8217;s why it&#8217;s so difficult for me to (sob) write this post about my failed Facebook marriage. As background, my lovely wife and I have know each other for nearly 22 years, and we&#8217;ve been happily married for more than 16 of those years. But that all changed on Wednesday, December 28th 2011. In November of last year, I wrote a book that became an Amazon bestseller and I subsequently started working with an online marketing company to help keep that early momentum going. The account team suggested several excellent ideas to help spur the success of the book along. One of their suggestions was to set up a Facebook &#8220;like&#8221; page, which is also called a &#8220;fan&#8221; page. Their thinking was that a &#8220;like&#8221; page allows for greater flexibility [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/my-failed-facebook-marriage/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Water Safety Tips&#8230;for Church Baptismal Tanks</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/water-safety-tips-for-church-baptismal-tanks/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/water-safety-tips-for-church-baptismal-tanks/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 02 Jan 2012 23:33:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Religion or Lack Of]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baptism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[church]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lifeguard]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[water safety]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=12037</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[During college, I was a lifeguard at the YMCA&#8217;s indoor pool near the campus. It was a great gig! I didn&#8217;t have to worry about riptides, jellyfish, barrier reefs, tidal surge or any of the other challenges that &#8220;real water&#8221; lifeguards who worked bays or oceans had to deal with daily. Don&#8217;t get me wrong, I had all the required training, swimming and safety skills needed to do the job including the requisite whistle &#8211; complete with lanyard for easy finger twirling. I was a &#8220;real lifeguard&#8221; in every sense, even though the Olympic-sized pool was as quiet as a cup of Celestial Seasoning&#8217;s Sleepy Time Chamomile tea. As a trained, aquatic lifesaving professional, I found that the key to a safe and quiet swimming pool was enforcement of the posted rules. Tangentially, we recently had a water baptism at our church which happens to have an H20 tank built beneath the floor of the sanctuary stage. The baptism service was a wonderfully uplifting event, but the Jacuzzi-sized water tank awakened my inner lifeguard who got to thinking about some of the water safety rules that might be posted around a church baptismal tank. Here are some possible suggestions for [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2012/water-safety-tips-for-church-baptismal-tanks/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>7 Worst College Football Bowl Names&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://humoroutcasts.com/2011/7-worst-college-football-bowl-names/</link>
		<comments>http://humoroutcasts.com/2011/7-worst-college-football-bowl-names/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:24:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tor Constantino</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Football]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Clean Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bcs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bowl games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[college football]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://humoroutcasts.com/?p=11953</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s no longer just the Rose Bowl, Cotton Bowl and Sugar Bowl. Over the past few weeks and next few days, dozens of college football teams have and will play in almost as many bowl games &#8211; more than 30 in total, check out the list here. The organization that oversees the bowl selection process each year is the Bowl Championship Series or BCS. Because football is a big revenue generator for colleges from corporate sponsorships, television contracts, ticket sales&#8230;etc., the BCS has incentive to expand the pie. That partially explains why the cavalcade of college football bowls has been bloated to the seams as part of the money grab. It also partially explains why there&#8217;s been such resistant over the years to implement a play-off system in college ball to name the best team annually. Unfortunately, that&#8217;s not what the system wants &#8211; the system doesn&#8217;t care which is the best team but only seems to care about maximizing profitability on the backs of amateur athletes. As proof, here are some of the ridiculous, yet legitimate bowl names in this year&#8217;s college football race for cash: -Beef O’Brady’s Bowl -Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl -Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl In [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://humoroutcasts.com/2011/7-worst-college-football-bowl-names/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
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