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Resume writer’s block

March 13, 2017
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I just celebrated my one year anniversary with a new job. It brought back memories from last year when I was facing unemployment and trying to update my resume. Of course I wrote about it. Despite…

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The ZaSu Pitts Look-Alike Contest (Men’s Senior Division)

March 13, 2017
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I’m hoping the weatherpeople get it right for once; they’re calling for blizzard conditions, and the fewer contestants in the Men’s Senior Division of the ZaSu Pitts Look-Alike contest, the better–for me. I know the greats…

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I asked them to make a dinosaur in the pepperoni and they said…

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Outbreak of Triple Names Raises Concern Over Bovine Growth Hormone

March 12, 2017
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KNOB NOSTER, Mo.  In spring, the schoolchildren of this small town west of Sedalia and east of Lone Jack can taste a difference in the milk they are served in school cafeterias.  “It’s not stale…

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Ask And You Shall Receive…

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Banana Strawberry Nut Bread and the Great Wall of China

March 11, 2017
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American Breakfast PAUL’S BANANA STRAWBERRY NUT BREAD INGREDIENTS 3 bananas (overripe ones are better) 5 ripe strawberries ½ cup pecans ½ cup butter (softened or melted) ½ cup raisins 2 eggs ½ cup sugar 2¾…

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Me ‘n Mick: The Keith Richards Children’s Book

March 11, 2017
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Keith Richards has co-written a children’s book. Rolling Stone Mick ‘n me was flirtin’ with some birds of the human kind when it started to rain. “Let’s go inside ‘n play!” Mick says and the…

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Bad Advice Friday, 3-10-2017

March 10, 2017
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Today is once more Bad-Advice Friday. I shall be dispensing bad advice to all comers. The advice will stupendously bad. MA asks: This has been bothering me…Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because…

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THIS is why we have and love the internet…

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Its What They Don’t Tell You That’s Most Important

March 9, 2017
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“If you take care of your body, it will take care of you.” – Someone annoying and in much better shape than you. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that quote. I used…

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Banana Meatloaf and Super Heroes

March 9, 2017
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Bermudan Entree BANANA MEATLOAF INGREDIENTS ½ cup bread crumbs 2 eggs 1 banana 1 small onion 1 pound ground beef 1 teaspoon ground mustard ¼ teaspoon paprika ⅛ teaspoon pepper ½ teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons…

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Behind Enemy Lines With the Parachute Cat Corps

March 9, 2017
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Thomas De Quincey’s elder brother William succeeded in some attempts at bringing down cats by parachutes.                                               The Life of Thomas De Quincy, Malcolm Elwin As I looked around the hold of the Puss in Boots,…

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I’ve never been more attracted to the Canadian Memorial Centre For Peace, than I am right now…

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Spring Breaker Jokes

March 8, 2017
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spring break jokes

Why does Bud beer always sell so well at Spring Break? Spring-breakers can’t pronounce Heineken. Why do spring-breakers not like blond jokes? They always have to find a blond to explain them.   Did you…

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You can’t teach stupid

March 8, 2017
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For the longest time, I didn’t know what SMH stood for. Then I learned it’s the acronym for “shaking my head” — something I’ve been doing so much lately I risk getting whiplash. Because…stupidity. I’ll…

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As Decorating Tastes Change, Naugas Make Comeback

March 8, 2017
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PAMPA, Texas.  Duane Dunham hasn’t had a day off in two weeks, but the twenty-two-year-old native of Hereford in Deaf Smith County isn’t complaining.  “It’s great to be workin’ agin,” he says in his flat,…

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I’m not a master Mathologist but those eyebrows are the square root of wrong…

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My Sinkin’ Lincoln

March 7, 2017
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When it comes to car ownership, I’m a Hyundai kind of guy. I’ve always purchased safe, practical, mid-priced, somewhat boring cars. I’d never driven anything remotely top-end in my life. But on a recent Florida…

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Trump: Pence Will Hold Dirty “Louie Louie” Lyrics

March 7, 2017
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pence

WASHINGTON, D.C.  Responding to concerns about his mental stability, President Donald Trump today agreed to turn over one of the nation’s most closely-guarded secrets, the “dirty” version of the lyrics to the rock song “Louie…

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My imaginary son may have an elf-taught career in Reindeerism…

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Should I forgive him?

March 6, 2017
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After 24 years of marriage, my husband Patrick did something I’m not sure I can forgive. This will surprise anyone who knows him, since he is almost a saint. He is kind, patient, and always…

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How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

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Who Moved My Teeth?: Preparing For Self, Loved Ones And Caregiving
By Cathy Sikorski Esq. and Corner Office Books

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Forever Montana
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