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Halloween in the Hood

October 14, 2011
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October is well known for its beautiful autumn foliage.  It’s also known for spooky, scary Halloween activities.   We live in a small southern town where children dressed as ghosts and goblins still ring your bell…

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Random Thought 18

October 14, 2011
By

I want to write a poem about “Truth,” “Honor,” “Dignity,” and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it.

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Random Thought 17

October 14, 2011
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What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He’s a loser–that’s why he’s number two.

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Random Thought 16

October 14, 2011
By

I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.

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Update on Life in the Trailer Park

October 14, 2011
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It’s been a while since I updated everyone on my life in the trailer park.  Things have been going kinda smooth lately so I thought I might share a few thought about my live-in girlfriend,…

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Thou Shalt Not Bear False Guidance…Or Matches

October 13, 2011
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The other day I was reminiscing about my high school years. At the time, I hated high school. I hated school period. I was always absent because I never felt like going. The guys in my…

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Random Thought 15

October 13, 2011
By

Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.

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Random Thought 14

October 13, 2011
By

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.

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Random Thought 13

October 13, 2011
By

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

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Kansas Gives Domestic Abuse a Pass

October 13, 2011
By

Outraged by the cost to prosecute domestic abuse cases, the City Council of Topeka, Kansas and its mayor came up with a creative idea: They repealed the city’s domestic abuse law Tuesday night. Apparently, beating…

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Spare the Cain Spoil the Romney

October 13, 2011
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Today’s poll has GOP Republican presidential contender Businessman Herman Cain ahead of Mitt Romney.  However, I personally believe the following Canes have a better chance of winning the nomination; Citizen Cane: A classic film even…

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Facebook is Hiring!

October 13, 2011
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Forget the Economy – Facebook is Hiring! Position: Facebook WiseAss Number of Positions: Unlimited Description: Scan through friends’ status messages and follow up with smart ass commentary. Smart ass opportunities can be increased by purposely…

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Mind Blowing Sex, CAN Be Just That…

October 12, 2011
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Mind Blowing Sex, CAN Be Just That…

  I’d NEVER heard of this until today, but apparently, in super rare occasions, mind-blowing sex can LITERALLY turn into…well…just that. Mind-blowing sex. This is according to a new study in the “Journal of Emergency…

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Wherein I Solve All the World’s Problems

October 12, 2011
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Doo-doo is not a word I normally use in this column, but you know what? I just can’t argue with world affairs experts. The world is mired in deep, throbbing doo-doo. (Doo-doo is sex, right?…

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How About That “Evil” Nanny?

October 12, 2011
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How About That “Evil” Nanny?

One of the things that Republicans seem to be good at these days are creating negative images from terms that elicit negative responses from susceptible people.  The goal here has been to distort reality and…

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What is the Core Issue For the Occupy Wall Street Protest?

October 12, 2011
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What is the Core Issue For the Occupy Wall Street Protest?

“Today’s protesters have chosen a fixed target: Wall Street, a symbol of the corporate takeover of democracy. And they have put no end date on their presence. This gives them time to put down roots,…

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Wyatt Derp

October 12, 2011
By

I was flipping through the channels last night looking to see if the Republican Debate was on somewhere. I figured I’d try Fox News. Nope, no debate. But there was a BREAKING NEWS mass hysteria…

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Random Thought 12

October 12, 2011
By

I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.

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Random Thought 11

October 12, 2011
By

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.

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Random Thought 10

October 12, 2011
By

I wouldn’t say I’m superficial, just averagely ficial.

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A Tale of Two Quarterbacks: Did God Choose Tim Tebow?

October 12, 2011
By
A Tale of Two Quarterbacks: Did God Choose Tim Tebow?

So, it’s official. Head Coach John Fox of the Denver Broncos has capitulated to public pressure and named Tim Tebow starting Quarterback.  Well, what can you expect after the extraordinary effort of fans who went…

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