Daddy vs. the Smoke Alarm
My father, usually a reasonable man, had an uneasy relationship with inanimate objects that crossed him. Once after banging his head on a car door frame, he beat the top of the car repeatedly with […]
Tag: fathers
Unicorn Bites #544
4-year-old: What’s hope? Me: The first stage of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2014 How women plan a party: 1) Pick a theme 2) Make decorations 3) Cook festive foods How men plan […]
Unicorn Bites 9/20/14
I don’t care what the vet says. If your dog weighs less than 10 pounds, it’s a cat. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014 4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you make milk for the baby? […]
Unicorn Bites 6/15/14
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 15, 2014 4-year-old: Do you want to hear how loud I can […]
Unicorn Bites 6/7/14
My 4-year-old threw a temper tantrum because I can’t give her snow powers like Elsa in “Frozen.” There’s no end to my failings as a father. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 7, 2014 4-year-old daughter: […]
Unicorn Bites 5/30/14
4-year-old: Can I cut your hair? Me: No. Why’d you even ask that? 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to sleep? After this, never. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014 Me: […]
Unicorn Bites 4/20/14
3-year-old: Can we do this? Me: What did Mommy say? 3: No Me: Then why would I say yes? 3: Because she’s not the boss of you Checkmate. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 4/8/14
Married men would be awesome at Jeopardy if they had to phrase their answers in the form of an apology. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 8, 2014 Me: You can wear your purple coat. 1-year-old: […]
Unicorn Bites 3/21/14
“Grease” is so fake. I’ll go along with a 24-year-old John Travolta being in high school, but I refuse to believe he wanted to bang a woman. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2014 Me: […]