Oh Legless Lizard, Where Can You Hide?
I saw two strange headlines this week. The first, centered around a teen from Tennessee who hid a gun in her vagina. I am trying not to judge; I know times are tough. Maybe she […]
Tag: humoroutcasts
Unicorn Bites 4/27/14
Wife: Your beard is ugly. Shave it off. Me:*shaves it off* Wife: Never mind. The problem is your face. I get it, single people. I get it. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 27, 2014 3-year-old: […]
Unicorn Bites 4/25/14
I saw my 1-year-old daughter walking around the house naked with my credit card. I hope that’s not a glimpse of the future. Somebody hold me — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2014 When I […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please help me explain to my softball coach wife, when I asked her if she was bringing her favorite old bat to the spring opening game, I wasn’t referring to my mother-in-law, Amen. […]
Unicorn Bites 4/24/14
1-year-old daughter: *throws a fit* Me: What’s she mad about? Wife: Being awake. I get it, kid. I get it. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2014 I’m devastated I didn’t get invited to Kim […]
Inventors, We Salute You!
Every great invention starts with a thought. It’s a moment when the proverbial light bulb goes off and a truly great idea emerges. Sure, we’ve all heard the stories about how Alexander Graham Bell invented […]
Unicorn Bites 4/23/14
Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO! — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2014 Teenager: How fast were […]
Unicorn Bites 4/22/14
“Never give up.”–someone who wants you to waste your life at something you’re bad at — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2014 3-year-old daughter: *takes a bath* *spits* Me: Don’t spit in the tub. 3: […]
Troubles, Oh So Taxing
Imagine my surprise when I saw myself in this ad. I really thought this was behind me. I got bagged running out of a store with hundreds of Twinkies stuffed down my shirt. Which was […]