Unicorn Bites 4/21/14
It’s weird how when a woman says, “It’s up to you, honey,” it sounds exactly like “Read my mind or die, motherfucker.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 21, 2014 The worst places of no return: […]
Tag: humoroutcasts
Arts and Crafty Criminals
In the news, hackers have yet again targeted Michaels craft stores obtaining credit card and personal customer information. This is the second time the crafty hackers have attacked their computer systems. The same day at […]
Unicorn Bites 4/20/14
3-year-old: Can we do this? Me: What did Mommy say? 3: No Me: Then why would I say yes? 3: Because she’s not the boss of you Checkmate. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 4/19/14
Me: I won the donut-eating contest Boss: It wasn’t a contest. It was just a box of donuts. For everyone. And you ate them all Me: Loser — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2014 Wife: […]
Unicorn Bites 4/18/14
Boss: What are you doing? Me: Sitting on a potato. Him: Me: Him: Me: Him: It won’t hatch into vodka. Me: YOU DON’T KNOW THAT — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2014 Wife: Put away […]
Unicorn Bites 4/17/14
3-year-old daughter: Mommy, you’re smart. And pretty. And funny. Me: What about me? 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: You have a beard. I’ll take it. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2014 3-year-old: Can I […]
Unicorn Bites 4/16/14
When a woman says, “I hope we can still be friends,” what she means is “If I see you on the sidewalk, I’ll hit you with my car.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2014 […]
Soiled – A Royals Parody
The newest video from OneFunnyMother.com or Dena Blizzard [embedplusvideo height=”250″ width=”380″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1jJ2RqD” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/75ei5EDw08I?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=75ei5EDw08I&width=380&height=250&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep4839″ /]
Unicorn Bites 4/14/14
1-year-old: *walks in with a handful of Pringles* Me: You can’t have those for breakfast. 1: *hands me one* Me: I didn’t see anything. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 14, 2014 Me: *walks in the […]
The Missing Black Shoe
It never fails that if there is a pat down to be done at airport security, I will get it. These pat downs don’t upset me, and I don’t feel the need to go to […]