Posts Tagged ‘ James Breakwell ’

Unicorn Bites #589

January 26, 2015
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4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 13, 2015 Anyone who puts in…

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Unicorn Bites #588

January 19, 2015
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Languages my wife speaks fluently: 1) English 2) silent treatments 3) disappointed sighs — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2015 I just realized the year 2000 was 15 years ago. Excuse me while I pull…

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Unicorn Bites #587

January 13, 2015
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Midwest weather update: My snowman just froze to death. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 8, 2015 Me: Why don’t you listen to me? 4-year-old: You don’t have enough dragons. Me: Dragons aren’t real. 4: Not…

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Unicorn Bites #585

December 22, 2014
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Me: Hold my hand when we cross the road 4-year-old: That’s not safe Me: Why? 4: If a car hits you, I won’t be able to jump out of the way — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)…

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Unicorn Bites #582

December 21, 2014
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Me: You can’t eat Hershey’s Kisses for breakfast. 4-year-old: But I put them in a cereal bowl. Me: 4: Me: You win this round. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 6, 2014 [in the grocery store]…

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Unicorn Bites #578

December 19, 2014
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Professor: Which dynasty came after the Ming Dynasty? Me: Professor: Me: Duck? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 2, 2014 Wife: You didn’t do anything today. Me: I quit smoking. Wife: You never smoked. Me: OK.…

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Unicorn Bites #570

December 9, 2014
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Wife: How many beers did you have while I was gone? Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 25, 2014 4-year-old: You’re my hero.…

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Unicorn Bites #569

December 8, 2014
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[in church] 4-year-old: *makes lightsaber noises* Wife: Stop. Me: I’ll handle this. *takes kid to the cry room* *has a lightsaber duel* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2014 Me: I’m 29. Do you know…

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Unicorn Bites #567

December 5, 2014
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Me: I love you. 4-year-old: Me: This is the part where you say, “I love you, too.” 4: I wish you were a kangaroo. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2014 4-year-old: How come not…

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Unicorn Bites #566

December 3, 2014
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4-year-old: Can I get out of timeout? Me: What did you learn? 4: Don’t get caught. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2014 Judge: On the charge of murder, how do you plead? Me: He…

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