Unicorn Bites 1/11/14
Me: What’s the most recent picture you have of me? My mom: *pulls out an ultrasound pic* Me: That’s it? Mom: You weren’t a pretty child. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 11, 2014 […]
Tag: parenting
Unicorn Bites 12/8/13
Wife: You’re a terrible husband. Me: I can change. *transforms into a dragon* *proves to also be a terrible dragon-husband* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 8, 2013 I fed my 1-year-old pizza and […]
Unicorn Bites 12/7/13
Me: *bursts into the room* I NEED A SNORKEL AND A SHOTGUN. THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN Wife: Me: Wife: Me: Wife: *goes back to reading* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2013 […]
Unicorn Bites 10/26/13
When an apple fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s head, I doubt he really said, “Aha, gravity.” What he really said was probably, “Fuck apples.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2013 Daycare lady: […]
Unicorn Bites 10/21/13
Most of my parenting involves hearing a loud noise in the other room and shouting, “What happened?” Getting up is for amateurs. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2013 People are more important […]
Unicorn Bites 10/4/13
My 3-year-old said she likes tea parties, so I made her sleep in the yard. We don’t tolerate politics in this house. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 4, 2013 If a guy […]
Unicorn Bites 9/15/13
My 1 y.o. threw a fit in front of the fridge. I nudged her aside w/ my foot so I could get a beer. That concludes my parenting for the day. — James Breakwell, Exploding […]
Twelve Ways to Know You Are Not Your Parents’ Favorite
Everybody believes that parents should love all their children equally. More often than not, though, Moms and Dads will have one or two favorites among their brood. Sensitive parents will harbor a lot of guilt […]
Call of Daddy
This past year, we decided that we would let our son play the game “Call of Duty”. I believe this one was additionally named “Black Ops 2”. I am not a “gamer” and my mom’s […]