Unicorn Bites 5/3/14
Dear strangers, Stop telling my pregnant wife she has a “bun in the oven.” It makes her hungry and then I have to buy buns. Sincerely, Me — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014 Women […]
Tag: pregnant wife
Unicorn Bites 3/24/14
Wife: Are you OK to drive? Me: I passed a breathalyzer. Wife: That’s your iPhone, and you licked it. Me: Are you a cop? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 24, 2014 3-year-old: What happened to […]
Unicorn Bites 3/14/14
I once convinced my toddler that my pregnant wife swallowed a seed and has a watermelon growing in her stomach. Childhood must be terrifying — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 14, 2014 3-year-old:*asks “Why?” for 99th […]
Unicorn Bites 11/20/13
Is it “for fuck’s sake” or “for fuck sake?” I need it to be grammatically correct because it’s my turn to say grace at Thanksgiving. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2013 3-year-old: […]