Q. Why do you look so murderous in that picture on the left? … Your fellow HumorOutcasts writers A. I always look like that. No wonder I usually get a seat on the bus. Q.…
1. Don’t put your cat in charge of your inkjet toners. Cats are relatively color-blind and they can’t read numbers. If you ask her for a black toner, she’ll probably toss you a tri-color one.…
Don’t try to ice skate on a linoleum floor. You’ll look like a real dork. Your sneaky idiot friends will video you and post it on YouTube. The video will go viral and the whole…
1. Don’t let your cat get into a relationship with a skunk. A skunk can be a real stinker. 2. Hummus has garlic in it. Remember that the next time you are having lunch in…
1. Don’t try to eat ice cream with your fingers. It’s messy and it doesn’t taste as good on the end of your finger as it does in a spoon. The same goes for chocolate…
1. Leftover frozen yogurt that has been sitting in the freezer for two months after being opened isn’t the best choice for dessert. 2. If you have left ice cubes untouched in the freezer for…
1. Start the morning with a visit to the dentist and a root canal. I did this a few days ago. Fortunately, I am not afraid of dentists. I have been known to doze off…
Okay! I’m back again with these. If you want to make something of this, please confine your wisecracks to the “Comments” section below. Thank you. For professional singers: 1. If you want to have a…
For years now, my one New Year’s resolution has been to make no resolutions. This year will be different, because I will at least think of some things that ought to be done better in…
I’ll bet you thought you were free of these. 1. If your cat is a Bon Jovi fan, don’t let anybody know. It is a shameful family secret that must never be revealed to the…
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