5 Rules of the Roads for Seniors | HumorOutcasts

5 Rules of the Roads for Seniors

May 5, 2011
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You get a few years on you and all these do-gooders start picking on your driving skills.  You know they’re full of bull because you’ve been driving for longer than before their parents reached puberty.  And even though you know they’re out there road-hogging all over the place while you’re being a cautious driver, you still let it nag at you that they dare criticize you.

Just like anything else in this world, seniority should have some privileges, and I say that’s true even in the driving world.  For that reason, I’ve developed the following driving rules that should apply to those like us who’ve put in our time.

Rules of the Road No. 1:

I can drive any speed on the highway I wish as long as I’m not on the road at peak traveling hours or rush hour.  If you come up behind me and I’m trucking along at 45 miles per hour, you are not allowed to honk your horn at me, tailgate me, pull out like you’re going to pass me every two minutes or make obscene gestures at me.  If you break Rule No. 1, I am allowed to pull out my Smith and Wesson and shoot at your tires.

Rules of the Road No. 2:

If I pull into a parking lot and there is no available parking space near the door of the business, I am allowed to park in a No Parking area.  That includes Loading Zones, which should really be behind the building anyway.  Any business owner who allows a transport truck to park in front of their business to unload while taking up parking spaces should be fined.

Rules of the Road No. 3:

You are not allowed to fuss at me if I don’t go immediately at a four-way stop.  I may be older than you, but I’m not stupid.  I know that when two people pull up to the stop at the same time, the one of the right is supposed to go first.  The problem is that some of you young bozos can’t seem to learn it.  So if I take my time to make sure I don’t get run over by pulling out, don’t rant at me.

Rules of the Road No. 4:

The same holds true when I’m stopped at stoplight.  If the light turns green, I’m not about to pull out in front of some guy who just had to beat the red light, so keep it to yourself.

Rules of the Road No. 5:

Everyone who has been driving for most people’s lifetime should be allowed a couple of “incidents” without getting ticketed.  This includes backing over fire hydrants, forgetting a new stop sign is now at the corner of such-and-such and the occasional taking out of a column in a drive-through bank lane.  I figure that last one is the bank’s fault anyway.  Those ATM machines should have a little easier access.

Pattie Byrd

Pattie Byrd is a freelance writer specializing in humor commentary, although she also writes reviews, stories and news articles. She has been published in "Mississippi", "Southern Destinations" and other assorted magazines. Currently, she publishes on several internet sites including Yahoo, RedGage and Wikinut.

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7 Responses to 5 Rules of the Roads for Seniors

  1. Mary Oberg
    May 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    I like Rule 1 and 4 the best. The Smith and Wesson definitley takes precedence over all the others!

  2. May 11, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    This reminds me of a my very first post when I started my blog two years ago. It was a list of the things other drivers do that annoy me. Senior or not.

    My biggest pet peeve is when a driver sees me coming and pulls out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME in a no passing zone. I’m the ONLY car on the road, and if they had waited a few seconds for me to go by, they could pull out and have the entire road to themselves. BUT NOOOOOOO, they just had to be in front of me, and then, the proceed to drive WAYYYYYY under the speed limit just diddly bopping along like they’re the only car there. So there we are in a no passing zone and I’m stuck behind this slow poke doing two freaking miles an hour. GRRRRRRRRRRR

  3. lbwoodgate
    May 5, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Gray hair do have its benefits.

  4. May 5, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Seniors certainly deserve a few perks!

  5. Stephanie Queen
    May 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    I think I will call ahead and see when you will be on the road. Yes, I think it would be a good idea for everyone to do that. 🙂

  6. May 5, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Okay, I can live with these rules mainly because you pack a Smith & Wesson. However, if you insist on driving below the speed limit in the left hand lane, I have the right to throw stuff at your car and screech away before you take out your gun.

  7. Kathy Minicozi
    May 5, 2011 at 9:44 am

    I like these … and they’re funny!



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