When Nature Calls

I am a regular guy. And by that, I mean that I “go” pretty regularly. I eat lunch at around noon and then I, um, usually need to visit my secondary office at around 2pm if you know what I mean. During the week, while I am at work, this becomes problematic. Yes, my workplace supplies indoor facilities. That’s not the problem. The problem is Esmeralda. OK, I don’t really know what her name is. In fact, I’m ashamed to even make eye contact with her.

See, Esmeralda comes to clean the bathrooms during the day. In fact, it is actually twice a day. And she likes to come and do it at…you guessed it…2pm. Now, I’m getting to be an older man, so I like to be able to take my time so that I don’t have to come back again soon after. OK, who am I kidding? I’ve always liked to take my time. That’s where I’ve done 95% of the reading I’ve ever done in my life. She also cleans at around 10am, which is another time that I sometimes find necessary. This has sometimes resulted in multiple meetings in one day.

So, almost daily, Esmeralda knocks on the door because she wants to come in and clean it. So I’ve got to shout out “Yes” to let her know the bathroom is being used. And then I have to hurry up and finish so that she doesn’t think I take too long in the bathroom. The worst part is when I have JUST started my, ahem, process. I know she’s waiting out there and I can’t let her know how long I need for my casual constitutional. Because she probably assumes I’ve already been in there for a long time already.

When she knocks, I’ve even started to try using different voices and responses so that she doesn’t know it’s always me. “Yes”, “In Use”, “Occupied”, “Lo Siento” in varying higher and lower pitched calls. Often I hope that she gives up and goes to another floor. But no, she’s usually waiting outside with her cart, forcing me to do the “walk of shame” past her. I can only hope that she is kind when she and her janitorial friends swap stories. She probably thinks I live in there.

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5 thoughts on “When Nature Calls”

  1. How about you using a different floor bathroom everyday? That’ll confuse her quite a bit. She’ll probably think “Hrm.. all gringo shit smells the same”

  2. I heard the janitorial staff are vicious gossips and they not only spread their “dirt” (sorry couldn’t resist that one)amongst themselves but to all personnel from all departments. Have you noticed anyone calling you odd nicknames lately referencing bathrooms?

  3. And it doesn’t help that she leaves a can of rose-scented air spray. Nothing smells worse than sweet dung.

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