A Lesson Learned

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It’s about 5:45pm and the girlfriend walks in the front door, she’s coming home from work. Her arrival occurs as I am walking out of the bathroom… my pants are unzipped and a tuft of material from my boxers is peeking out, I have just buttoned my shorts and I am fastening my belt when we make eye contact. Commence awkwardness.

GF: “Did… did I just catch you?”

JB: “Fapping?”

GF: “Huh?”

JB: “Jerking it… cleaning the pipe… choking the chicken… thinking about Kate Upton.”

GF: “Yes, that is what I am asking.”

JB: “No. I was paying my last respects to your glorious cooking.”

GF: “You were not, you were totally masturbating!”

JB: “Go into the bathroom and inspect, oh sage of Bishop flogging.”

GF: “OH WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT IS NASTY!”

JB: “That’s what you get for not believing me. I warned you. Together, we can grow from this experience. Would you like to sit down and talk about what just happened?”

GF: “Damn it! That is… Jesus.”

JB: “Yes, he was there… backing me in my time of need.”

GF: “Whatever.”

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15 thoughts on “A Lesson Learned”

  1. HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Funny stuff. Along the lines of, “If a man says something in a forest and there isn’t a woman there to hear him . . . is he still wrong?!”

    1. Betty White is a saint!

      Kate Upton is THE new supermodel… you can check out her website, http://www.kateupton.com, Eric. Even though it is suitable for work, I recommend checking it out at home with the shades drawn and the keyboard at an arms length distance.

    1. …a woman has never done such a thing, Donna? Pssh. The lesson here is that when a woman doesn’t believe or listen to her man… there are repercussions. Those repercussions may involve mustard gas. I was simply trying to protect Girlfriend and she took matters into her own hands.

      1. Don’t you know by now that women never do things like this? Women are perfect. If you would just realize this, you would not be writing great books like the Memoirs of a Serial Bachelor. Sure, it makes for fabulous reading, but how much better would your life be if you realized finally that women are perfect and you should just adjust to that idea…

        1. Thank you for the compliment. 🙂

          Having walked into a bathroom after a woman has vacated it… and her bowels… I can promise you that the ruse is up. Embrace it, but please, PLEASE continue being a lady about it.

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