A Tale of Two Muslims | HumorOutcasts

A Tale of Two Muslims

May 4, 2011
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Not every religious follower strictly adheres to what most perceive to be the published tenets of a faith. For example, there are many Christians who work on Sundays, engage in adultery, and even some who engage in adultery on Sundays. Without stoning each other to death over it. Not to mention that very few Christians still circumcise their slaves or burn goats to give God something good to smell.

Such is the case for Muslims as well. Let’s look at two Muslims I know. Let’s call them “Adam” and “Ed”. They both took time out of their busy schedule of plotting to destroy America to talk to me about Ramadan.

During this holy time, Adam participates by strictly fasting from eating, drinking, and sexual relations from dawn until sunset. Which he says is pretty convenient since he usually only meets up with women at night anyway. He explains that the process of fasting teaches about patience, humility, and spirituality. In addition, self-restraint and good deeds purify the soul. He finds the process spiritually uplifting.

Ed also fasts during Ramadan. But he does so in a slightly different manner than Adam. He begins the day by feasting before dawn in preparation for the upcoming hardship. At dawn, he begins his fast, and does not break it until he gets “pretty hungry”. It is only then that he partakes of food and drink. I noted that this process is indeed not an actual fasting, but simply what the rest of us call “the time between meals”.

So you can see that, while everyone knows that the prime directive for Muslims everywhere is to “violently kill the infidel” (and you better believe that I keep my eyes on these two at all times), they don’t all follow it with the same zeal as, say Christians working to reduce the top marginal tax rate.

Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

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2 Responses to A Tale of Two Muslims

  1. lbwoodgate
    May 4, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Oh here we go. Just because Osama bin Laden’s dead we can believe that the global caliphate idea went to the briny sea floor with him? Egad, my tin foil cap is picking up all kinds of energy. Now it begins.

  2. May 4, 2011 at 8:14 am

    A great punchline after the religious lesson! HA HA A good one, Eric.



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