I think it is time for a drastic change in my life. For the past 59 years I have tried to be fair, courteous, honest, truthful and above all kind to my fellow man and woman. What, if anything, has this way of life given me? Well, to be truthful absolutely nothing. I still live week to week, paycheck to paycheck. So I thought it is time to get into politics, but on what platform.
THE FAIR PLAY FOR ALL PLATFORM
100% Employment. This will be easy to achieve. Anyone without a job will be deported.
No hospital charges. All hospitals will be closed, if you fall ill tough. Die or get well on your own.
Lower the prison populations. Let your family feed and clothe you. However, if you’ve murdered your family, you go naked and hungry.
In order to save our natural resources and lower people’s energy bills the national grid will be on from 7:00am till 5:00pm. All cars will be horse drawn between said hours thus saving our oil reserves. All vehicles will be governed to 25MPH.
Anyone no matter what age who is thinking of applying for public office will automatically be allowed and receive five draft deferments, more if needed during a time of conflict.
Same sex marriages will be permitted as long as they promise to be as miserable as all heterosexual marriages. Why should they be happy all the time!
All goods that the people require will be made in the USA. That way we can close Wall Street and open Walmarts.
All millionaires and billionaires will hand over all of their money to a central bank where it will be equally distributed amongst the general population. This will be the only bank in the nation, besides my Swiss account.
All elected officials will be paid for hours actually worked i.e. no show, no pay. All wages will be standardized, min $10.00 max $10.50 ph. Holidays included.
In the event of zombies actually becoming a reality, Kansas will be fenced off and used as a safe haven for the remainder of the populace.
A VOTE FOR ME IS A VOTE FOR MY BANK ACCOUNT!
This is a bogus public service announcement sponsored by the Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe