A Trip to the Faire

Well, we’ve lived in this town for about 16 years and have done pretty much all there is to do. Been over to the sprawling South Fork Ranch. Been down to smell the Trinity River. I guess we figured that since the kids are up and around, we would take them to the Scarborough Faire in Waxahachie. Which is a Renaissance Festival or Fair.

When the wife suggested this, I must say that I immediately wrinkled my brow and cocked an eyebrow. But she showed me the web site and it looked like there were some things that might be somewhat entertaining. So it was decided we would check it out and cross one more thing off the list of Dallas-area attractions. Now the only thing left to experience would be that ball of twine in Grand Prairie.

Well, I would have never thought there would be a huge traffic jam getting into the place. Live and learn. People must be coming for the fried pop tarts, I figured. Nope, wrong Texas fair. We finally get parked and see a lot of people coming in a little more “prepared” in their style of dress. I must admit that I expected to see all middle-aged nerds. But I am here to report that I was wrong. It was nerds of all ages. It was kind of like that “People of Walmart” site, except…well, actually it was just like that.

Once inside, we figured we’d get a schedule or a map like you get at Six Flags or Disney World. One was offered to me, but I was asked for 3 pounds in exchange. Now, I was fresh out of pounds, but he did agree to accept New World future dollars. Did this occur back in these medieval times? Did they actually get people to pay for a map of the place where people were selling more stuff? Doubtful. Unless that genius idea was the “renaissance” that is spoken of. Another point of note is that these fairs appear to be an NBC production. Nothing But Caucasians.

Right away we saw some knife throwers, which was OK, and a whip cracking guy who was pretty good and kind of funny. Then an acrobat who wasn’t bad, either. But it got a little annoying when every performer was constantly groveling for cash. Some of them all of the way through their show. Hey, I can see beggars in a lot of places that don’t charge me double digits to get in.

Also, I liked the birds of prey show. My son and I sat in a great place up front where we could see the birds really well and they flew right by us to capture the stuffed animal on a string. It would have been great with or without the fake Scottish accent. You can’t just go around saying “If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap” and call that your Scottish accent. At least that’s what I was told about my Scottish accent.

The kids were not impressed with port-o-potties. My daughter refused to go and held it the whole day. My son went, but said if he had to go number 2, he’d “rather go in his pants than go in that thing”. Apparently, the fact that it said “Lords” and “Ladies” on the doors did not add quite enough magic. These kids would have never made it back then. Then again, they may have done well to stay clear of plague-infested toilets.

All in all, a feudal effort.

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2 thoughts on “A Trip to the Faire”

  1. I have been to the Renaissance Faire myself. I thought it was rather King Arthury, and I agree with your daughter. It’s best that thee hold it in than thoust squat in thy port-o-potty. I learned to speak like that at the last faire I went to.

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