(You could stop right there, but for the sake of this article, please keep reading.)
Your family attends your wake. Like any good dead person, you (as a dead person, of course), attend your own wake and funeral just to see who actually comes to wish you a safe passage into the next realm.
What you DON’T expect to happen is to WAKE UP at your own wake. And yet, it happens.
According to the Huffington Post (who reportedly read about the event from the Daily Mail), Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, a name I won’t even begin to pretend I know how to pronounce, died and then, after realizing she was at her own funeral, died again.
Apparently the shock of discovering you are dead is enough to send you across your life span and directly into death, where you do not pass go, you do not collect $200, and you do not even get to prove reincarnation exists.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – CREMATION, PEOPLE! If you don’t want to wake up dead, if you don’t want to know what it’s like to be a Zombie, get cremated!
Or – get a rider on your insurance policy that states “in cases of double indeathtiny (my new made-up word that means the destiny of being in a state of death – you’ll love it if you lisp), you get TWO – repeat TWO – payouts, one for your first death and one for your second.”
Not that it will do you any good, so make sure you have a will (a will to live, that is, silly people).
And let’s not get too upset about this whole dying twice idea. Maybe – just maybe – we’re all taking life a little too literally. Just because a doctor pronounces you dead, doesn’t mean that you may actually be dead. He may have mispronounced the word.