Dear (insert name) Thank You

“Dear Debbie Martina-Weber, thank you for your recent interest in our dandruff shampoo.  We hope you enjoy your free sample and become an Itchy Twitchy Shampoo user.”

I hate pop-up ads!  I have one of the most aggressive pop-up blockers on the face of the earth.  I see a pop-up ad I zap it!  But sometimes pop-ups offer free products.   As much as I hate pop-up ads, I’m willing to take a few minutes out of my busy day to fill out a form for a sample of free toe fungus cream.

The other day I found a site that advertised free samples.  I think it was or maybe  Anyway, it was free shit!

I painstakingly fill out my name making sure to add my middle initial so that my menthol flavored canker sore balm didn’t go to another Deb Martin-Webster.

I eagerly awaited my free sample.  Four weeks later a package arrived in my mailbox.  My canker balm had finally arrived!  I opened it to find a tiny sample with a dollar off coupon and a personalized letter which read,

“Dear Ms. Deb Kmart, here is your free sample of CANKER RELIEF Balm.  And because Ms. Kmart you were among the first 100 to reply we’ve added a dollar off coupon good towards your next purchase!”

It was bad enough I jumped at the chance to get free canker balm but now I’m in someone’s data-base as Deb Kmart!  As annoyed as I was with the butchering of my name, I thought how funny it would be to put a fake name on a request;  for no other reason than to see the mailman’s face when he delivered it.

I searched for the perfect product and filled out my form with my “product-appropriate” fake name.  To be honest I’d forgotten about it.  Three weeks later I received my free product in the mail.

“Dear Miss Peedma Pantz, thank you for your sample request for PantyDri Pads for discreet bladder protection.  We know Peedma that bladder leakage can be a problem.  And Peedma there is nothing worst than panty dampness and odor.  Peedma you may not be aware that we also have  PantyDri Overnight Pads with leak lock extra protection.  Please Peedma accept this coupon for a free regular size package of PantyDri Pads.”

Needless to say I laughed so hard I Peedma Pantz.

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12 thoughts on “Dear (insert name) Thank You”

  1. Funny. I’m going to try it with some creative names myself. I once named a fictional Urologist Dr. Peeinacup.

  2. Guess what I got today, Fake mulch! Yep, I filled out some free thing on line and they sent me samples of rubber mulch. I can’t even remember what I filled out. Is there a good name for that Deb?

    1. Thanks Jack! A friend did one for Excedrin Migraine under the name of Mister Lobotomy Crackskull! LOL!

    1. I have to keep him entertained Mike so he won’t drop our mail in horse poop! 😉

  3. Okay, I filled out one for a new Sony Vaio – pink. I didn’t get the Vaio. I think they needed me to promise I would subscribe to two of their advertisers and give them my right kidney.

    1. LOL I don’t think they wanted my kidney but they were eye-balling my bladder! Thanks Donna!

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