Does my Bank Think I am an Armed Robber? | HumorOutcasts

Does my Bank Think I am an Armed Robber?

April 27, 2011

My bank has a sign: “Please remove glasses, hats, hooded sweatshirts, and anything else that might aid in disguising yourself to our tellers before entering the premises.”

Doesn’t it seem a bit paranoid that the bank is making their customers strip before they enter?  Last year, my bank had its version of the Walmart greeter at the door.  Sure, he wore a suit – not a blue vest, but he smiled and said “Welcome and thank you for banking with us.” It was nice.

Then, there was a robbery a few months ago and I never saw the greeter again. I heard rumblings that he was in on the heist. It was not so much rumblings as it was a post on the police blotter page of the local newspaper the next day, but one bad apple did spoil the bunch. The greeter went out the door and security came in.  Now, instead of smiling face greeting me when I enter the door, I get a cold stare from the uniformed security guard.  I think if I move too fast, I might be in for a pat down or worse a full cavity search.

Do I blame the bank?  No. They have to do what they have to do. Their job is to hang on to the money at all costs.  I guess the greeter was happy to see everyone come in because he knew our money would be his money one day. I haven’t figured out the security guard’s motives yet. I think he just likes to scare people.

I guess I will have to adapt to the strong arm tactics of my bank. I guess security is a good thing, but oh, how I long for the day when I could wear a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses without worrying about attracting a SWAT team.

Picture from The Onion Movie

Stephanie Queen

I'm a tough chick and I don't like to share my toys. Be afraid.

More Posts - Twitter

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , , ,

10 Responses to Does my Bank Think I am an Armed Robber?

  1. jack_sass
    May 13, 2011 at 12:38 am

    I used to think I was a nudist, turns out I’m an exhibitionist. So what bank is this? Ha-ha!

    • Stephanie Queen
      May 13, 2011 at 9:10 pm

      I think they would not know what to make of you Jack! They might change their policies after you paid a visit.

  2. Fran Brockmyre
    April 29, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Next, they’ll want us to go through a full body scanner, yikes!

    • Stephanie Queen
      May 13, 2011 at 9:11 pm

      All to deposit a $20 check.

  3. Mayor Lund
    April 29, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Good God have some mercy on us poor guys!! I have a weak stomach I don’t think I could take looking at most of the women in the bank if they cant wear make-up or large sunglasses. I bet this drives up the business at the drive-through windows.

    • StephanieQ
      April 29, 2011 at 8:29 am

      What kind of town do you run, Mayor Lund? How come all your women are ugly?

      • Mayor Lund
        April 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

        I don’t know maybe it’s true; first cousins shouldn’t marry each other.

  4. April 28, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I haven’t been inside a bank in ages. The rules don’t seem to be this strict when I drive through. Sometimes I deposit checks from my car while still wearing my pajamas.

  5. Theresa Wiza
    April 27, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    We just can’t win anymore, can we? I’d like to see things turned around. For instance, you walk into a bank, walk up to the teller, and before you can throw your note onto the counter, the teller draws her weapon and warns you that any move, any move at all, could cost you your arm. I can see the ads now: Our tellers are armed! Try to rob them and you won’t be.

  6. lbwoodgate
    April 27, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    So they wanted you to strip down eh? Is there a man’s club next to your bank and your prescription eye glasses are ready for a upgrade?

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Lite Whines and Laughter: Mild Rants and Musings on the Mundane
By Lee Gaitan and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
It Comes From Within: Living with Bipolar Illness
By Michael Solomon. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle