Eric Preet’s Week of Sins: Monday

I WOKE UP. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered how someone could look so perfect first thing in the morning. And I wasn’t even Jane Asher. I checked the letterbox. Yes, the usual papers, letters and excrement were there. Still, what did a little crap mean to a man whose good looks and charm had won admirers from everywhere? One envelope caught my eye. After bathing it with Optrex, I managed to read it. ‘YOU HAVE WON A HOLIDAY FOR LIFE!’ screamed the envelope. Screaming envelopes. What will they think of next? I’d won a competition! Well, of course I had. Why should I be surprised? I’m a hunky, sexy, witty, successful sort of guy. I was probably the love child of Robert Redford and Stephen Fry.
Some muesli and lemon tea were allowed into the hallowed domain of my digestive system. I thought of allowing a banana in, but the bouncers at the door to my face thought I’d had enough. Can’t risk starting love handles on the torso that has massaged so many women to ecstasy.

So, I’d won a competition! I went to work with a bounce. Straight towards an open manhole.

Eric Preet’s Week of Sins continues tomorrow!

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