Evolution, Schmevolution | HumorOutcasts

Evolution, Schmevolution

May 12, 2011

Evolution should be banned. It can’t possible be true. It doesn’t feel right in my gut. I know that God created millions of species perfectly the way they are, many were killed off exactly according to His plan, and every one of them has a purpose for man. Even the mosquito serves an important purpose. It’s bite reminds man that he is born into sin and that Jesus’ blood has saved us all. But even more sinister, the backers of this evolution conspiracy extend it backwards in time to discount God’s creation. I don’t need science, research, and fancy white coats telling me that God’s creation is not real.

Case in point: The other day I left out a bowl of rotting meat and I prayed for maggots. Days later…God created the maggots. Fight the evil forces of evolution and behold the power of the Lord!

Join me!

Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

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6 Responses to Evolution, Schmevolution

  1. May 13, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Jack – Next time I’ll ask you for ideas before I pray. Although it definitively proves God’s existence, my prayer looks kind of crappy in comparison to yours.

  2. jack_sass
    May 12, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    I’ve been praying for a 21 year old nymphomaniac contortionist who’s a millionaire. So far… Nada! Damn it! But I’ll keep trying since praying worked for you.

  3. May 12, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    This might be the first time I’ve seen a connection made between maggots and God. Very unique lesson. Sounds convincing to me.

  4. May 12, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I have never heard of the mosquito theory. See, Eric, when I read your stuff, I learn so much. 🙂

  5. May 12, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Thank you. I pride myself on being thorough.

  6. May 12, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Well, I guess you have your own research to back up your argument. Very scientific!

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