First the Rapture, Now the Comet – Trying to Count the Doomsday Theories

So, we just get over the non-rapture event of May 21st and now we have to focus on our next biggest apocalyptic threat: Comet Elenin. According to a recent article I read, this comet is causing quite the stir. Doomsday believers are convinced it is either going to smash into the planet or buzz so close to the Earth that the planet will turn topsy turvy. In case you are interested, the Comet Elenin event is supposed to take place on October 16, 2011 when the comet will be at a distance of 21 million miles  from our planet. Apocalypse believers say the comet will wreak havoc on the world; The comet experts say that Elenin is not a problem. According to the scientists, the comet Elenin is one hundred billionth the mass of our moon which is equivalent to the mass of a bug hitting an oil supertanker which means it’s not going to have any kind of effect on us except to allow us to see a pretty shooting star in the night sky.

What does this do to the doomsday buffs?  I guess it puts them in search of another apocalyptic event. Don’t worry, we still have the December 21, 2012 thing still going on, and we know that is going to happen because, well, the Mayans said so. Okay, this is the last time I am going to address this: The Mayans did not come out and say this is the end of the world. Their calendar ends in December 2011 – December 21st to be exact. I have asked this question before: What if the Mayans just decided to stop making the calendar? What if the Mayans stood back and said, “Damn, we have done a calendar for the next thousand or so years, let’s call it a day (no pun intended).”

What the Mayans didn’t understand is that the human population would grow to be so superstitious and riddled with God guilt that they would need to have something supernatural decide their fate. If they were so technologically great and so good at predicting the future, how come they didn’t see their own demise?  Whatever knocked them off the Most Advanced Civilization Pedestal–be it war, natural catastrophe or disease–how come they didn’t see it coming?

The end of the world is not a new story.  Let’s take a look back at some of the favorite and most note-worthy apocalypses. First, if you are a Bible believer, you have Noah’s Ark – you know the story of the violent and vengeful God who got so ticked off at his children that he pulled a mass murder and drowned everyone except some old guy and his family and the animals – yes, it was nice He kept the animals.   Yes, I think scientists have found evidence of a flood or something, but without evidence of the ark, the Noah story is still not fact. ( More details here by fellow writer Eric Hetvile ( https://humoroutcasts.com/2011/noah-way/ )

Onto the Dinosaurs.  Okay, we have more scientific facts here – sorry creationist people. This wasn’t really a world-ending event, but a world-changing event. Sixty-five million years ago, an asteroid slammed into the Earth with the strength of a billion Hiroshima bombs obliterating everything in its path and transforming the Earth into a frozen Popsicle stand.  I’m not sure how many centuries passed before the big thaw which allowed life to be again too place, but it was a while. When the Bible and science stuff start competing with each other in destruction stories, I get confused and lose track of time periods.  So, my next logical question is “When did Fred Flintstone live?”

What’s headed our way? Well, Nostradamus, the great seer of all seers (I know this because the History Channel told me so) backs up the 2012 theory; supposedly his quatrains say that. To be honest, his quatrains say a lot of stuff–after the fact. I’m not a big believer in hindsight prophecy.  People get upset when they hear that the Mayans and Nostradamus spout the same story. Well, the Mayans were at their peak about 900 AD. The Spanish conquistadors came to Yucatan Peninsula and had taken control by 1547. Nostradamus was born in 1503. Is there the slightest chance that exploration to the new world brought back information of the Mayan culture and this information might have found its way to France and Nostradamus?

In every century and maybe every decade, there is another doomsday theory. Luckily for us, we have the internet which allows the doomsday enthusiasts to not only get out their message quickly but attract other like lunatics to their cause.  So, what have we learned about the doomsday lovers who predict the end of the world?  They know nothing. You want a solid apocalypse theory?  Let’s talk aliens. If aliens come down and take over the Earth, we are toast. I heard they will invade us and start impregnating women to make a super species.  Personally, I’m not too worried about this. By the time this occurs, my ovaries will be completely shot, so I’ll probably just be vaporized anyway. Hey, maybe Rosetta Stone will come out with an Alien language CD. Knowing their language might save at least some of us from a date with the deadly ray gun.  Yes, I think I have been watching the SyFy channel too much.

http://news.discovery.com/space/will-earthbound-comet-fulfill-2012-prophecy.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/dinosaurs/7368548/Dinosaurs-wiped-out-by-asteroid-impact-that-turned-earth-into-a-hellish-place.html

http://bluestarchronicles.com/2010/08/21/nostradamus-end-of-the-world-theories-2012/

https://humoroutcasts.com/2011/noah-way/

photo by infomofo

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9 thoughts on “First the Rapture, Now the Comet – Trying to Count the Doomsday Theories”

  1. I never pay a bit of attention to the doomsday scenarios. I figure if one of them comes to pass so be it. When we are out of here we are then history. The only thing I wonder about is if nobody is left does that mean we can’t be a part of history since nobody will be left to write about us! Now that’s sad.

  2. This was great Donna. For every story about a doomsday scenario there is the same conclusion – to be continued.

  3. I’m all for dooms day theory’s provided that they… A. Make me wealthy or… B. Get me laid. I’m pretty sure if option A works out, I can pretty much make option B happen on my own.

  4. This was simply the Mayans Y2K bug. To their credit, they stretched a bit longer than the ~30 years that we did. Maybe there’s some good IT work out there for this one, too.

    Yes, it is unfortunate now that dumb people now can read and write on the internet. They used to just be put toward the back of the cave. “Make sure the fire doesn’t go out, dumbass. But don’t touch anything”. But, like, in caveman language.

    1. I thought about the Y2K, but I thought it more of a tech disaster and inconvenience than anything else, but I guess some people thought it an apocalyptic event. I love the caveman analogy. HA HA HA

  5. Ha, this was great. All these doomsday theories spread so quickly via the internet. The world has come a long way, in the 1970’s all they had were sandwich boards in Times Square. 🙂

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