Hey man! Where’d you learn to drive?

How many times have you wondered if some people got their license out of a cracker jack box?


I’ve read that auto insurance rates are sure to increase in the coming months.  The people at one car insurance website says “23 states have seen an increase in car insurance rates since Jan. 2010 and are expected to see even more increases in the months to come”(I’m not giving a link to it because I don’t do free advertising).  The belief is that insurance premium increases have “a lot to do with the increase in claims made as a result of insurance fraud” and that “the increasing number of drivers on the road without auto insurance doesn’t help.”

This is logical but I’m sure a lot of legitimate claims are also being made by those who are victims of morons who simply shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.  I don’t know where some get their license but they either greased the palm of their driving instructor when taking their test or they simply didn’t bother to re-new it when it expired and have forgotten everything they ever learned.  Clearly some people are oblivious of where they are when driving or of what is required of them when they are behind the wheel.

Let me cite some examples of how people must be interpreting their role as a driver:

  • When two drivers pull up to the intersection at a 4-way stop, count 1 Mississippi then floor it.   To avoid this measure simply speed up as you approach the intersection so you can go first.
  • Yield signs really don’t mean slow down.
  • You can save battery life by avoid using turn signals.  People will know your intentions when you start slowing down – 2 blocks back.
  • Close the gap between you and the car in front of you before that jerk at the on-ramp can squeeze in.  Your other option is to hit your brakes to be sure he doesn’t have to slow down at all.
  • Jesus will reward you if you stop and allow the other car to go ahead at an intersection where the other driver had the stop sign.  The woman who plows into your rear end when you do this is just not as courteous as your are.
  • Even when traveling a safe speed always decelerate 20 miles below the speed limit so that traffic cop going the opposite direction on the highway will REALLY know you weren’t speeding.  The old man who didn’t see him will be at fault when he plows into your rear end.
  • Clearly you will have time to pick through your purse or glove box, text your friends or check your make-up when pulling up to a stop sign or after the light turns green.  People behind you can be so impatient on their way to work or going home from a hard day’s work.
  • It’s your right as an American to drive under the speed limit while using the far left lane  of the freeway.  People entering or leaving the freeway don’t bother you as much when you’re in the fast lane.
  • Stay in the right hand lane that indicated it was ending two miles back.  People to your left will have to let you in when you wait until the last minute to do so.
  • Riding the dick’s bumper in front of you will ensure they will speed up or pull over for you.  Speeding up too when someone in the adjacent lane is giving a signal they are pulling into your lane tells them them that you are not in agreement with that decision.

Clearly people who apply this type of thinking when they are on the road will be the first and the loudest to complain when their insurance premiums increase.

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4 thoughts on “Hey man! Where’d you learn to drive?”

  1. I was always taught that when your lane ends and you have to merge, wait until the end.

    I agree Donna but do they have to do it then give you a face like it was their birth right? 🙂

  2. The slow left hand drivers make me crazy! Surprise surprise! But I have to say that I was always taught that when your lane ends and you have to merge, wait until the end. My driving instructor said it was safer to merge at the end then cutting people off. He also told me that he wanted to go to Mars one day, so maybe he could be off on the merging thing too.

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