Hot Wax and Hurt Feelings Do not Mix | HumorOutcasts

Hot Wax and Hurt Feelings Do not Mix

April 29, 2011
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Believe it or not, sometimes I get into quiet moods when I do not like to talk. I know — it is hard to believe – right?  However, every once in a while it happens. For me, quiet is not a sign of depression or the blues. Usually, I grow quiet because I am tired or in a place where I have a true fear about expressing my opinions.  I know that sounds cowardly, but there are times when I opt to bite my tongue to avoid pain, disfigurement or possible death. Recently, I had one of those days.

I started writing at 6 AM to get a jump on my work. I was sweating a writing deadline that was looming, and I was still short two interview sources. By the time noon rolled around, I was done in.  I decided to take a break from the computer and head to the salon to get my eyebrows waxed.  You might think that this is an odd choice for a computer break, but, honestly, I had let too much time lapse since the last skin-ripping adventure. It’s not that I was sporting a uni-brow, but I was definitely getting a bit self-conscious walking around in public.

Anyway, my wax specialist, Kim, was chatting non-stop as she was preparing to spoon the hot wax on my eyelids. She was asking me questions, but I was giving her one-word answers, and it must have bugged her because she said,

“Are you mad at me?”

“No! Why would you ask that?” I responded with a genuine alarmed tone in my voice.

“You are so quiet today.  You have not said anything about my new hair cut or asked about my baby or the salon.”

Wow, she felt neglected, and this was my fault.  I guess she was used to me being interested in her life, and yesterday, she thought I was not interested, so I hurt her feelings.   Trust me when I say the last person you want to piss off or hurt is the person who is pouring hot wax on any part of your body.  The hot wax is not even the issue. It’s the ripping-off-the-hair-from-your-body-parts that become the issue if the person doing the ripping is feeling a sense of anger toward you.

“I am so sorry, please forgive me!”  I begged aloud. “I am just tired; I swear!  How is your son?  Getting ready for pre-school?”

Those words seemed to relax Kim a bit, and the rest of the waxing session went without a hitch. After she tamed my brows, I paid my bill and left her a healthy tip just to make sure there were no hard feelings.  As I drove off, I thought about the close call I had with her, and I also realized that I do go out of my way with certain people to be extra nice, attentive and non-argumentative. Why? Because each of these people possesses the potential to hurt me or my wallet. This revelation inspired me to create a “Never Piss Off” list.

Kim – my hot wax person is obviously first one on the list.  With Kim, eyebrows are the least of my worries.  I can always draw on new eyebrows with a pencil if she gets testy.  It’s the bikini wax that might cause me more pain than I am willing to deal with.  I already find bikini waxing embarrassing and loathsome, but it is sort of a necessity especially during the summer months. Sometimes, when Kim is in a talkative mood, she starts opining on the situation in South Korea. I think it is South Korea, but I can’t be sure because she starts talking in her native tongue, and she loses me. She also becomes quite animated, and the wax flies around and I do not want to insult her, so I distract her with questions about her baby and business to keep her calm.

My dentist – I love my dentist, but he listens to political shows on the radio while he is working on me. I would prefer Mozart or something more tranquil, but he is the one holding the drill, so I let him be.  If you asked my dentist what my political views are, he would say that they would mirror his exactly. I probably agree with maybe one-tenth of his political views, but while I am in that chair, I am his biggest supporter. Let’s face it: I am the definition of a captive audience with him, so I will temporarily adopt any political credo if it means I never have to hear the words “Root Canal”, “Periodontal surgery” or “Extraction”.

My gynecologist – I do not think I need to go into specifics here.  You might be eating lunch. Let’s just say that my pap smear is not the time to have heated discussions on religion, global affairs, the AMA lobby, or – and I cannot stress this one enough — health care reform.

Well, that is my short list. I know I have neglected to mention others who impact my life on a daily basis, and  if you are one of my service providers who I have  forgotten,  please do not get insulted or take it out on me next time I come in for an appointment. Believe me, there is always room to write about you later.

photo by jeremy-www.flicr.com

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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One Response to Hot Wax and Hurt Feelings Do not Mix

  1. Fran Brockmyre
    April 29, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Good choices, they show you are very wise.



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