How your body improves with Age! | HumorOutcasts

How your body improves with Age!

April 17, 2011
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I now have over six decades in this body under my belt. (It gets harder and harder to keep it all under the belt!) In that time, I have learned a few things about body changes over time. And I’m here to say that my body is improving all the time!

First of all, my body is now so efficient that it rarely needs all of the calories that I give it, so it has to store the excess (efficiently, of course) A meal that used to give me enough energy for only a few hours will now supply my body all it needs for several days.

And my body is always experimenting with something new. For example, hair now grows in places it never did before. (And not where it used to be in abundance!) Beauty marks (some call them “age spots”, but this is just a sign of jealousy by the immature) now appear out of nowhere. No need to artificially add these to create interest on your boringly smooth and unblemished skin! You will no longer have to be jealous of Cindy Crawford’s “cute little mole”, because you will have your own (although it may not be where you want it/them.)

From listening to the reports of those even older, I can’t wait for the new efficiencies awaiting me when I get the improvements in my ears. I will no longer have to waste time and effort listening to boring or undesired conversations – I can just turn down the volume on my hearing aid(s). This feature alone has saved many marriages! As a bonus feature, I can play music with it when I turn up the volume too loud, causing “squeals” of delight in those around me.

As my eyesight loses sensitivity and focal range, I can further reduce wasted time talking to others, since I can tell them that I didn’t even notice them (which might be true!) There are a lot of things in this world that you are better off not seeing, so this is a big plus. And a bonus feature is the fun game of hide-and-seek you can play with your glasses when you forget where you put them.

Speaking of memory (Were we? I don’t remember.), you will be amazed how much exercise, both physical and mental, you can get just by wandering around the house! It will force you to refresh your memory of what is in each room, as you search for a clue that might help you remember why you went there in the first place!

So, I think it is clear that the body improves with age, providing us with many useful features that younger people aren’t able to appreciate! After reading this, I know everyone will be looking forward to the improvements that come with age. But I think you should wait until you’ve earned them.

Mike Oberg

Photographer and former engineer, I write about things that bring me joy and passion. I believe God wants us all to laugh!

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10 Responses to How your body improves with Age!

  1. jack_sass
    May 13, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    You nailed it! I was telling my wife that fighting with her is better now than when we first got married; now we both forget we were fighting. Ha-ha! What was I talking about? Eh, couldn’t have been that important… 😉

  2. Theresa Wiza
    April 25, 2011 at 9:07 am

    I don’t mind getting older; it’s the aging PROCESS that bothers me. I’m desperately trying to move my sagging belly up to my chest, but I first have to figure out how to design the belly bra.

  3. April 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    You’re getting better every day.

  4. Fran Brockmyre
    April 18, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Just don’t get in front of Donna at the deli.

  5. April 18, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    The body and mind improves as the funny bone gets stronger. Thanks for the hilarious read and unique perspective =)

  6. lbwoodgate
    April 17, 2011 at 11:59 am

    And here I thought I was simply deteriorating and falling apart. It’s all just a transfiguration from … wait. What?

  7. Mary Oberg
    April 17, 2011 at 10:31 am

    We are all in this with the signs of aging every day! I plan to minimize mine and only age every other day!

  8. April 17, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Mike, you should talk to Deb Martin. She say she has CRAFT Can’t Remember a F$%#ing thing. LOL I told her to write an entire story on this. As for me, I don’t plan on ever aging. A lofty goal, but one worth giving a shot.

  9. ed
    April 17, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Getting better with age, I like it. Along those lines in your bio you say you are a “former engineer” my question is; does an engineer really ever become a “former engineer”? 🙂

    • April 17, 2011 at 10:22 am

      Well, there is a certain “mindset” which began before becoming an engineer, but was nurtured in that environment, and now is impossible to totally discard. And I was a “control” engineer, to which some have said, “Is there any OTHER kind?” As a design engineer, I often started with a “blank sheet of paper” to make my designs; writing isn’t any different!



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