I Don’t Want to Grow Up

As I approach the milestone age of 40, I look back at my life, and I think where the hell did it go, and why do I still feel like I’m 20? It seems that I’ve never grown up, and I kind of like it. Don’t get me wrong, I have responsibilities, a couple of kids, and plenty of bills to pay, and I’ve been on my own in the scary adult world for a long time. That’s not it though. The issue is that I have a feeling of stunted mental, and emotional growth that I wrestle with during these times of reflection. (less grown-up Greco-Roman style, and more WWE style with fancy, sparkly costumes, and a loud, charismatic announcer). See what I mean?

I’m still waiting for the day when I get hit with the figurative bolt of lightning letting me know that this is it, I’ve finally become an adult. I’m not sure it’ll ever happen, especially while I’m cutting the crust off my PB&J sandwiches, or watching Spongebob Squarepants in my Spongebob Squarepants boxers. In the meantime, I’m going to stay as immature as ever, and you can’t stop me, neener, neener, neener.

The elusive “they” say you’re only as old as you feel, and that’s true, but it’s an earth shattering experience when you look in the mirror and see gray hairs sprouting up in your unkempt beard. The beard I was so eager to start shaving not so long ago, mimicking my father with a fake razor and a little dab of shaving cream. Now it grows wildly, and is a damn chore to maintain. So, starting now, in solidarity with my lost youth, I refuse to shave, and you can’t make me, neener, neener, neener.

When I think about my parents when they were my age, they seemed much, much older, and they were. They never sat on the couch, legs folded under, playing video games, eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with a plastic spoon. They were serious people, who had serious ideas about serious topics, and their idea of fun was playing Pinochle on a Saturday night with their neighborhood friends. None of these things interest me. I don’t want to be serious.  I’d much rather ride a skateboard, jump on a trampoline, or eat some raw cookie dough, maybe all at the same time, neener, neener, neener.