Hugh Hefner is on the market again. This could be a big opportunity for you as maybe he’s finally going to date age-appropriate women. Yes, it’s true; his nuptuals to Crystal Harris, the 25-year-old fiance have been called off. No wedding bells for Hef – he probably couldn’t hear them anyway, so no biggie. Finally, the child bride came to her senses and traded her rose-colored glasses for a prescription pair. Our little girl must have tired of Dean Martin and Andy Williams which I think is programmed into all the bunny iPods . And no, Lady Gaga won’t be recording “Moon River” any time soon, so she made the right decision. Call me a cynic, but I believe a 60 year age difference is too big a gap to bridge. Thankfully, I no longer have that option unless anyone knows a single, 120-year-old – or did I meet him on Match recently?
Will Hef finally come to his senses and realize these youngins’ are using him for free food, lodging, silicone and peroxide? If I were them, I’d just Trick or Treat at the mansion and not move in. Do Hef and all the girls have fireside chats? Speaking of which, does anyone but Hef recognize the initials FDR? Mom and Hef at least have that in common. She is also up on current events that don’t involve the Jonas Brothers or Vampire movies. Mom also knows where the Middle East is which might be tricky for any of his girlies. Call me crazy, but she seems like a better match for the old guy. My Mom also likes to spend half the day in her robe, so that’s perfect.
I don’t know about Crystal but I’m happy she doesn’t have to have sex with Hef anymore. And I pray she doesn’t tell that part of the story to “The Enquirer” because ewwwwww and this inquiring mind does not want to know. Besides which, I was concerned for Hef’s health as I believe it was only a matter of time unitl he exploded from all the Viagra .
“Hef think it over. My Mom could be perfect for you.”