Jesus, in a recent exclusive interview, expressed disappointment about reduced mentions on Facebook.
“Sure, in the beginning of Facebook, it was Jesus-this and Jesus-that. People were posting status messages about me and then others were proud to copy that status and post it as their own! I even have millions of fans of my Facebook pages (Frankly, I would have used different profile pictures. The ones they use make me look a little gaunt.) But just millions? There’s around 300 million people in the United States alone! Not to mention 7 billion people in the world! And now it’s been reduced to just a few scant mentions. The other day someone posted this:
“I personally believe in Jesus Christ. One Facebooker has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. Whenever I’ve been up or whenever I’ve been down, Jesus has always been there for me. This is a simple test. If you love Jesus and your not afraid to show it, re-post this. I proudly did!”
Well, I was pretty excited since that guy had 1200 friends! But only 6 people re-posted it! And what’s worse, some other jerk posted:
“I personally believe in beer. One Facebooker has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. Whenever I’ve been up or whenever I’ve been down, beer has always been there for me. This is a simple test. If you love beer and you’re not afraid to show it, re-post this. I proudly did!”
As if this wasn’t bad enough, 168 people re-posted that status. Beer, more popular than Jesus! Can you believe that?! And he even fixed the first guy’s spelling mistake. Why can’t my fans even spell correctly? They’re making me look bad!
You’d think with the whole dying-for-their-sins thing, I’d get a little more respect. Do you know how bad nails feel in your wrists?! Well, let me tell you it sucks. Most people still cry when they get their flu shot! Unbelievable! Now that I’ve had a chance to think about all of this for a while, I’m not sure I’d do it again. I’m just not getting the glory that I should be getting. Maybe I should have offered something more tangible. Sure, “everlasting life” sounds pretty good, but it’s not something that a living person can experience and it’s a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately kind of world out there. Maybe if I had offered something like a free car for everyone or one of those fancy white things that Apple makes… Then I could have been loved.
At least football is back on, so I am now forecasting a 5000% increase in Jesus props. Touchdowns are good for more than my fantasy football team.