Looking for a Few Good Revolutionaries? Try the New Secret Internet

Are you a government overthrower who is sick and tired of the slow Internet? Do you try to get word to your fellow revolutionaries only to be hit by pop-up ads and spam in your email folder? Do you worry that your oppressive government is listening in on your plans to take down your beloved and elected president who won by 100 percent of the vote in an election where no coercion was present? Well, worry no more because soon, the road to ditch your dictator might be easier with the new and cool “shadow” Internet being devised especially for those trying to throw a coup.

The Obama administration is spearheading a global effort to deploy new Internet and mobile systems that will aid government dissidents in their fight to be free.  The State Department has already set aside a $2 million grant for the high-tech, James Bond-like “Internet in a suitcase”.  In simple terms, and to be honest, that is all I know when it comes to high-tech espionage stuff, dissidents or dissident helpers will be able to carry all the hardware they need in a suitcase across international borders and set up their own Internet access free of censorship.

This is not the first stealth project the US government has taken on hoping to help revolutionaries.  The state department is also financing the creation of secret wireless networks that would enable wannabe government ousters in countries such as Iran and Libya, to communicate with each other without worrying that their government is listening in.  Yes, it sounds like a great tool for those in the revolution business, but I have a few questions about the new “shadow” Internet:

First, how does one get on the list for the shadow Internet?  Who is the main provider? Do potential coup organizers get flyers in the mail or do shadow Internet salespeople go door-to-door or cave-to-cave demonstrating the benefits of this secret Internet?  And what about the costs? Is it free? I don’t think that’s fair for government overthrowers to get free access when I have to pay Xfinity each month for my Internet access.  I know I am not staging a coup, but come on; I need good Internet just as badly as they do. I have to check my mail and TMZ online each day. Yes, my routine might not be as exciting, but it is just as important as the fight to live in a free society.

This secret Internet has no censorship so does that mean Google won’t take down their ads if they find something offensive?  I wonder if there will even be Google ads.  What about pop-up ads?  We, on the regular Internet, get bombarded with pop-ups each day that promise us everything from free laptops to a foolproof way to make millions of dollars right from our own homes.  I would think a pop-up for a home-based business would be right on target for a revolutionary. Coup people might benefit from running a home-based business. It would be a great way to stay under the government radar and make millions of dollars for the cause in a few short months while working for themselves and keeping their own schedule. A flexible schedule is probably a real positive in the revolution world.

I am sure that the pop-up ads for the dissidents will be different than the pop-ups on the “main” Internet. The secret Internet would probably sport pop-ups for free machine guns or perhaps cruise missiles more than wrinkle cream and diet pills. Will there be ads for free webinars about “How to Overthrow your Government” or “How to make your interrogations fast and effective”? Do the secret Internet advertisers and merchants take PayPal?  If I were them, I would put PayPal in. It is the most convenient way to pay for anything online nowadays and let’s face facts: the life of a coup organizer is fleeting at best. It would be better for merchants to get their money upfront. Now that I think about it, a secret Internet holds such potential for Internet marketers when it comes to reaching the elusive coup organizers.

I guess the whole point of the secret Internet is that it is an unobstructed and secure way to communicate with friends and colleagues who share a vision of a government overthrow.  Knowing that email is safe makes planning easier, and I bet not one of these government dissidents will get a letter from a Nigerian Prince who wants to put money in their bank accounts for safekeeping.  Although, maybe in the coup business, this email might finally be true!


photo by steve Rhode

Share this Post:

9 thoughts on “Looking for a Few Good Revolutionaries? Try the New Secret Internet”

  1. Wow! Secret internet! Who would have thought? I’m not buying it. They are probably hooked right in to some underground government agency that wants to know what everyone is doing. Something like men in black. If we get invaded from another planet they will be the first to know. Since they are secret they won’t tell anybody.

  2. They’ll probably still just use it to play poker and watch porn, just like the regular internet.

  3. Well, hmmm. I guess I’m going to have to start my own revolution against the revolutionaries. I’m going to call my revolution web site the Coup Coup CaChoo. (God bless me. Thank me.)

  4. Call me old fashioned, I prefer my revolutions to be fought with small-arms and explosives. Silly me.

Comments are closed.