Yes, believe it or not the “Big Ham” Tom Lund was offered a Reality TV show. It seems that Hollywood has discovered a new talent, and who would believe that it would be the mayor.
I guess we have all seen the midget Reality show, the Hugh Hefner Girly Reality Show, or my personal favorite Pawn Stars. Sure, they were exciting to watch, but now it’s Tom Lund’s turn to entertain you. Yes, Hollywood has knocked on my door and they are begging me to sign on for my own reality show.
Now, if they were to offer me a show like Hef’s where I had Hooter Girls hanging all over me, it would be a hands down decision, but Hollywood has yet to define the specifics of the contract. And knowing my luck, I somehow feel there are no Hooter Girls in my television Future. Besides, I didn’t hear any talk about this being an HBO project, and let’s face it — who would put me on a Prime Time Network Show without censorship?
With my luck Hollywood has a Driving Miss Daisy Series in mind for me. However, I feel that I’m more of Bionic Man kind of guy then a lowly chauffeur. I hope I get creative input.
I know you are asking, “What about the Trailer Park, Mayor?” Well, I planted a lot of roots in this here trailer park, and I can’t just pull them up and move to Hollywood to clean some producer’s toilet. I need some more specific details of the offer, and I need to hear some numbers. Hell, I’m almost making minimum wage here, why would I want to consider moving to Hollywood to make anything less?
One of the residents of the trailer park, Mr. Fleece, is a disbarred lawyer (that’s a another whole story), I think I’ll talk to him about drawing me up an iron clad contract for this Hollywood reality TV show deal that will guarantee me certain must-haves like a brand new trailer with my name on the door and a fridge full of liquor. I don’t expect an endless supply of narcotic drugs like Chris Farley and John Belushi got but an endless supply of booze and some fresh odor eaters for in my sneakers would be nice.
After all, if Tom Lund is going to be a new household name, I want to be sure they are paying me what I’m worth and that I get all the perks that other top notch TV stars like the guys on Pawn Stars get. Maybe I’ll even get to meet the Pawn Stars’ stars and hang out with them. I better not dream that big; I don’t want to curse my chances.
Honestly, it will be hard to leave this glamorous job of trailer park Mayor behind me, but if the price is right, I’ll be gone in a flash especially if I’m guaranteed a daily supply of fresh odor eaters. Imagine that luxury!