I’m the elected Mayor of large trailer park. Among my duties as Mayor is organizing some occasional entertainment for the community. So far this year I organized a bus trip to the casino and a Memorial Day picnic. Seeing as we had a half keg of beer leftover from Memorial Day I thought it would be nice to organize something a little special for my neighbors in the trailer park.
Last week, prior to my DUI conviction, my friend Roger from the trailer park and I went down to the local pub for a beer. Roger and his family of ten midgets live about six trailers down from mine; those midgets sure can make good use of space in a trailer!
While at the bar, I asked Roger, “Can you loan me five bucks for the next round?”
Roger replied, “Sorry, I’m a little short.”
That’s when a little light bulb in my head went off, “Midget Wrestling!”
Then I said, “HEYYYYYYYYYY, Roger, maybe I can help you and you can help me! You’re looking for a little extra cash and I’m looking for some cheap entertainment.”
By the end of our conversation, we decided to charge the trailer park residents $5 a head to watch Roger and some of his midget friends wrestle; we would include free booze of course.
Well, Friday night was the big event, and to my surprise about 300 people showed up. Needless to say, I had to make a beer run for six more kegs. Seeing as a regular wrestling ring for was out of our budget, we filled a kiddy pool with chocolate pudding and went with a mud wrestling theme.
The crowd was a rowdy bunch, thankfully the midget family knew how to put on a good show and control a crowd. Years ago, they all traveled with Swindle and Run Circus, with Momma and Poppa midget being the bouncers for the family circus act.
During the mud wrestling matches, two of Roger’s brothers worked the crowd taking side bets while Momma and Poppa midget kept the rowdy crowd behind the line with wooden yard sticks. I never saw anything like it! The chocolate pudding was flying, people in the crowd were being swindled and the spectators at ring side were getting cracked and poked with a wooden yard stick if they stepped over the line or yelled out anything politically incorrect at the midget wrestlers.
Even when Mrs. Pritts was about half lit and thought the wrestling midgets were chocolate covered peanuts and stepped over the line to suck the chocolate off of the nuts, she was put back behind the line with a few well-placed pokes from a wooden yard stick.
Sadly, the midget mud wrestling came to a premature end when one of the fans proved to be too much for Momma and Poppa midge. Matilda broke though the crowd, crossed the line and did a belly flop right into the kiddie pool of chocolate pudding. Matilda is a large gal (at least a 300-400 pounder) so she didn’t even feel the pokes from the wooden yard sticks as Momma and Poppa midget tried to stop her. Matilda’s belly flop also splashed all the chocolate pudding out of the pool and onto the wrestling spectators. The crowd began yelling a lot of politically incorrect things about fat gals, and Momma and Poppa midget didn’t try to stop them.
I began to get worried when the crowd turned on me and was demanding their money back. Momma and Poppa midget were even headed my way with those yard sticks! I had to think of something fast! I glanced at Matilda wallowing around in the kiddie pool eating what was left of the chocolate pudding. I decided to turn the water hose on her and try for a wet T-shirt contest to appease the angry crowd.
It worked–not like I had planned, but it worked at calming the crowd down and getting them to leave. Seeing Matilda in a wet T-shirt apparently hurt many people’s eyes. Some of them claimed to be blind while others said they were going to have to go home and wash their eyes out with bleach. I hoped their eye problems are just temporary.
Later as Roger and I were cleaning up the mess, we helped Matilda out of the kiddie pool and to my surprise Roger and Matilda started flirting. Then Roger walked Matilda home. About an hour later, I finished cleaning up and headed home myself. As I walked by Matilda’s trailer I could hear Roger in the trailer yelling, “Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE UGH!” “Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE . . .UGH!” “ONE, TWO, THREE .. .OOOOOHHHHH!”
The next morning I met up with my midget buddy. “It sure sounded like you was having some fun with Matilda last night.”
Roger answered, “Hell No, I couldn’t even get on the bed!”
As I look for the bright side to this story; It would have to be that the Little People and I cleared a nice chunk of change for the day, and no one called the cops!