The Tale of Mr. Yummy Pants


I haven’t always been known as Joseph Boxer. Truth be told, I have a more informal name. You see, I used to work for Corporate America, a professional pusher of papers, I wasn’t just a number… but a six-digit number. It was there that I earned the nickname “Mr. Yummy Pants.”

I wish there was a better story as to how I earned this moniker. Uncomfortably… it’s rooted in the admiration of a few older women, who noticed a certain lump in my dress pants. It was not a roll of singles, phallus happens. For a while, they called me “Gonzo”… the character from the Muppets. Apparently my female coworkers thought I was smuggling his face in my trousers. Once they realized how inappropriate this was… they righted their ship and dubbed me Mr. Yummy Pants. I find this odd since I never let them taste my britches… no matter how many times they asked.

I wish old people would just grow up and act like adults.

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