My Excuse | HumorOutcasts

My Excuse

May 3, 2011
By

Writing something profound isn’t easy.  It’s hard to get started if you only have a vague idea and no deep thoughts about it.  So I did what I always do when I don’t know what to do:  I procrastinated.  I sprawled across my overstuffed armchair with my head on a pillow, the TV remote control in my hand and both legs propped over one of the chair arms.  My cat was sitting on the floor next to the chair, trying to decide if he wanted to pester me for attention.  I simultaneously surfed the cable channels and tried to think of a really earnest topic, something that would illuminate the general suckiness of life in a way that no writer had ever done before.

But wait!  Criminal Minds was on!  I wondered if I would be able to watch this episode all the way through.  The last one grossed me out so much that I had to switch channels in the middle of it, while they were discussing necrophilia in minute detail.  If you are looking for something to inspire you about the awfulness of life, you can’t do better than Criminal Minds, and they always have some sappy philosophical quotes at the beginning and the end, to inspire deep thoughts.

Well, this wasn’t getting me anywhere.  I was not getting any work done, so I might as well watch the program.  It looked like a good episode and I didn’t think it would make me queasy this time (no necrophilia).  What was an hour of my time, anyway, compared to the eternity that we all face?  Nothing.  The cat agreed.  He jumped up and lay down on the arm of the chair.  I reached over and petted him.

Okay.  I used up an hour and I still didn’t have any brilliant insights.  The cat was no help.  He had been lying on the arm of the chair next to my face, with his rear end facing me, slapping me with his tail.  He had no idea how much angst the craft of writing was giving me.  He did know that I was the one who could open a can of cat food, and it was time to eat.  After I fed the cat, I cleaned his litter box.

By that time, I was too tired to write a grocery list, let alone a short prose piece.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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10 Responses to My Excuse

  1. May 5, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    I guess I will have to write something, since I can’t publish any more slideshows on Yahoo! until they fix their publish template! I, too, have writer’s blocks, but I’m not sure what to build with them.

    • Kathy Minicozi
      May 12, 2011 at 4:19 pm

      I’ve heard that a good shot of whisky is a great cure for writer’s block. I haven’t tried it, but a lot of other writers have. 😉

  2. May 5, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Good one, Kathy. I don’t watch “Criminal Minds,” but I sure have lots of other excuses for not writing something brilliant every day. 🙂

    • Kathy Minicozi
      May 12, 2011 at 4:21 pm

      Being brilliant is such a burden! How do we do it? 😉

  3. lbwoodgate
    May 4, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Next time try “Real Housewives of Orange County”. Now there’s a treasure trove of serious issues – all mentally defectives of course, but very serious.

    • Kathy Minicozi
      May 12, 2011 at 4:22 pm

      Thanks for the suggestion. I might do that once American Idol is over. 😉

  4. italiadiva
    May 4, 2011 at 9:21 am

    In case anyone is wondering, I wrote this as my first assignment in a “Seminar in Short Prose Forms” class that I just finished. I couldn’t think of a “real” topic, so I decided to write a humorous piece about why I didn’t write anything. Irony, huh? 😉 How to beat a minor case of writer’s block: write about writer’s block!

  5. May 4, 2011 at 7:55 am

    I too know these excuses. They can truly kill the creative moment although sometimes I find they might help it. Let’s face it; I am all over the place. Don’t go by me!

  6. StephanieQ
    May 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

    I can’t watch Criminal Minds. I love it but it creeps me out for days! Great Piece Kathy!

    • italiadiva
      May 4, 2011 at 9:25 am

      I understand this. I was told that Mandy Patinkin quit the show because HE couldn’t take it anymore! It does get to be too much. Unfortunately, the acting and the writing are really good, and the premise is really interesting, so I find myself wanting to watch it, even though, as you said, it creeps a person out. I have to stay away from it for a while sometimes.



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