My Top Five Funny New Years Resolutions, Well, They May Just Be Funny to Me!! | HumorOutcasts

My Top Five Funny New Years Resolutions, Well, They May Just Be Funny to Me!!

December 27, 2011
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Resolutions can be pretty serious, especially New Years Resolutions. Losing weight, not yelling so much, saving money etc…All of these are great resolutions, however, resolutions that are funny can also be taken very seriously.

1. LOSE WEIGHT

A biggy, (no pun intended), right? A lot of people vow to lose weight and to start their diet on January 1st. I also would like to lose weight, so this year, my vow or resolution, is not to eat my own weight in Rocky Road Ice Cream every time it goes on sale at Wegman’s.

2. BEING UGLY AT THE SCHOOL BUS STOP

I am not one to get up and shower, fully dress and get made-up just to walk my daughter to the school bus stop, however, if my mother had ever gone out to the bus stop the way I do (no bra – but I do wear my coat) hair not brushed (the hat covers most of it), no make-up on (the rings under my eyes are all natural people) and wearing yesterday’s pants (why would I put new ones on?), then I would have been scarred for life. I vow to clean-up better when I go to the school bus stop so the kids won’t go to therapy – for too long.

3. DRIVE SLOWER

I must say, I have slowed down considerably since I bore children, however, when your kids get in the car with daddy and say, “Mommy drives so much faster than you dad,” and your husband gives you “that” look, you know it’s time to make a change. I will” resolute” to drive a little slower – when the kids are in the car.

4. CURSING

Yup, this one is also mine, not my husband’s. Any bad words or language that comes from the kids is, plain and simple, from me. I admit it. If I have not said the word “shit” once in a day, I am either asleep or dead. After years and years of working on television shows with crews that curse all the time, it just stuck with me. Even in the car, if I have to stop short because of someone else, the kids will say, “Shit!” in unison before I do, knowing that it was already coming. It’s a fabulous word, but I guess I gotta vow to button my lip up when I can.

5. LESS DESSERT

I know this one could be combined with my first one, Lose Weight, however, I don’t always think it is the desserts that put me over the edge. Sugar is really the problem. It makes me plumper, itchy, hyper and cranky – and I am already that way most of the time without sugar. If I eat less Black and White cookies, Rocky Road Ice Cream, Dove Dark Chocolates and dark chocolate brownies, I would lose some weight, be less cranky and maybe even sleep better, tone down my sugar, save money by not purchasing any of them AND save the environment with less packaging being thrown away from these items. However, I said, less, dessert. This is not one to push on. Because you know, dark chocolate has been proven to have anti-oxidants for your body, so the brownies and the Dove chocolates, not so bad really. And the ice cream, well that is dairy, and we teach the kids that dairy is good for them. And the Black and White cookies, they are classics. And we all know, we should teach our children about the classics!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

 

 

 

 

Wilma Jammer

Say whatever you want while you can. I am an open book mystery. My experience: Too much (head exploded) and Not Enough (everyday, something new).

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One Response to My Top Five Funny New Years Resolutions, Well, They May Just Be Funny to Me!!

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    December 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Why don’t we combine my resolutions and yours together, and start our own self-improvement television series.



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