My Upcoming Mega Million Lottery Win

I think I need to win the lottery.  I was talking to a friend of mine about our careers, and I suddenly realized that for me to accomplish all I set out to accomplish, I need more time which means I can’t work my normal hours which means I won’t get paid, which means, “uh oh”. So, I came up with the lottery idea.

I think the lottery is the best plan I have. I have thought about Vegas or Atlantic City, and while I won $2,500 one time playing one-cent video poker, I don’t feel this gambling activity will provide a consistent income – thus the need for the lottery. With the lottery, I can get everything upfront and know exactly where I stand financially for the rest of my life. For the record, I have also participated in the online Publisher’s Clearing House contest, but after six months of PCH telling me that someone with my initials was destined to win and that person was never me, I decided to cut ties and find a new and more promising means of quick and fast money.

I know that many lottery winners tend to squander away their fortunes, but I am already prepared for this.  I will be a good lottery winner. First, I won’t forget my fellow humans out there. I will give out a certain number of dollars to the charities of my choosing, and I will have a lawyer handle all that so I won’t be guilted by all the sad stories of homeless people, sick animals, wounded firefighters, artists in trouble, and felons looking for a second chance.  The felons was legit – well, the phone call was; I don’t know about the charity.

I am sort of surprised I still get so many calls for charities. I was on a no-call list for a while, but I guess that’s over because my phone rings ten times a day with charity hounds, and the people on the other end of the phone are not nice and the charities are deceptive. They trick my caller ID and show up as “Anonymous”, “Important caller” or “Private User”, and only when I say “hello” do their true identities become clear.   Sometimes, I get indignant and tell the solicitor on the other end that I don’t appreciate being duped, and the usual answer to this, “In this economy, we have to use all the tricks possible to get people to commit.”

Okay, that was a side rant, but I’m done now.  Back to the lottery.  I know it will be hard to select the right numbers, but I am exploring methods that promise to lead me to those winning picks.  There are many people who write to my email address telling me they have the power to pick all the right numbers. All I have to do is give them $250 for my own private reading which will help them focus and determine what my personal winning numbers are.  Apparently, these people are more accurate than my present method of putting the lottery slip on the floor and letting the dogs pick with their paws.

A friend of mine, who is psychic, does not like the lottery number pickers. She says there is no way these people see “your numbers” and anyone who says they do and charges you for it, is a scam artist. Since I trust my friend implicitly, I will think twice about email prognosticators.

I was also thinking about taking the more scientific approach and buying a book on numerology as I have met many people who swear by this method. To cover my bases, I also told my husband, the computer engineer about my quest for winning numbers, so he did a spread sheet for me and calculated what the most frequent winning numbers were and their probability of being selected. It was quite the document, and I understood none of it.  I nodded and thanked him profusely for his work and made a mental note to go back to the dog-and-paw method.

Someone told me that the way to win the lottery is to visualize winning the lottery and to visualize money pelting me in the face. This method is supposed to raise my winning vibrations.  This visualization thing doesn’t sound too difficult so I might give it a try, but if it requires meditation, it could be a waste of an effort. I try to meditate, but my mind tends to wander and I think about everything from errands I have to run to the Dairy Queen Heath Crunch Blizzard I want to devour.

I have scheduled my lottery win for the second Wednesday in September.  Wednesdays are Powerball days, and I think a September jackpot would provide me with enough time to get everything in place that needs to be in place before my windfall arrives.

I know that the lottery will bring challenges as well as a life of luxury, but I am a good challenge person.  So, to the lottery gods up there, out there or down there, wherever you are, I say this:  Bring it on. Challenges don’t scare me, and I promise that I will be the one winning lottery person whose life doesn’t wind up in the crapper.


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14 thoughts on “My Upcoming Mega Million Lottery Win”

  1. I’m visualizing world peace and reincarnating into a smoking hot sexy body, is that too much to ask? Maybe I’ve got a better chance at winning the lottery, LOL.

  2. I wonder if the visualizing thing works? I’ll have to try it. Then again, if I visualize winning the lottery I’m pretty sure I could get the Ferrari, hooker, and suitcase of cocaine I was going to visualize.

  3. I read about a woman who visualized the amount she would win and what she would be wearing when she accepted the check. She won exactly that amount. When you win (notice I said “when” and not “if”) please remember the Brockmyre Charity for Aspiring Writers.

  4. Make sure you win enough to make it really worth your while! A few million sounds like a lot, but it’s soon gone. I’m thinking you should consider trying your own scam (er, service) to help others choose their lottery numbers. This sounds like it has better odds of providing a positive return on your investment. You could publish Ed’s spreadsheet of winning frequency and make it look very scientific. Just remember where you go the idea!

  5. When you figure out the secret, would you mind sharing it with me? I have my eye on this nice high-rise luxury condo …

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